Post From Another Blog

Here's a post from a blog I read regularly. It deal with an issue I've talked about here before, and am still trying to come to terms with: I am not that me anymore. It hurts, but this post helps.

http://chronicallyme.wordpress.com/2009/11/20/clutter-busting-of-self-image/

McGee is The MAN

It was pretty cool. I love shout-outs to the fans, like Nathan, Firefly, Castle. If only RTD cared about his audience as much. We can't have everything, I guess. But here's the bit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpyJ1dl1DMY&feature=player_embedded

I don't think I posted the Castle clip. Here it is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q3pdj9p6yI

Feeling weak and shaky again today. This has happened before, and I just view it as a temporary relapse. I will feel better. Say it fifty times and maybe it will happen. Mind over body. Does that really work?

Stephen Colbert Clip

A very funny guy. This plays automatically, so be prepared:

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/256012/november-16-2009/the-word---skeletons-in-the-closet

On the illness front, spent most of yesterday sleeping off pain. Better today, but in general feel like crap. I was doing well for awhile. It was nice. I will do better again, I always do.

Recovery

Not getting into it, but I love this protest.

Been having lots of leg pain since going out the other day. Limping around with the ow! ow! ow! going on. Not sure what to do about the getting less mobile as time goes on. I have tried to do more walking or other exercise at different times, but it only seems to make things worse. It's the old catch-22. If I don't exercise, my muscles get weak and thus it is harder to move. If I exercise, my muscles stay weak and I have a lot more pain. How does one fix that? I'd like to try some totally off-the-wall, guaranteed-to-cure-what-ails-you diet, but they all require preparing food for cooking and then cooking it. I don't have that kind of energy, most days. Is there a catch-99, cause I think I'm in it. If I was rich, I'd hire my own private chef, but since I'm not Oprah, and don't care to be, I guess that's not in the cards.

I did clean out my Aerogarden today, and ditched the basils, which had sort of gone by the by. I'm trying to salvage a bit of each, but don't know if they will take root or not. I put a couple of the smallest tomato plants in three of the slots, so maybe they'll actually grow. They are not doing at all well in the pot, but I left the rest in there anyway. The things that have done the best, probably because I didn't trim back the others as well as I should have, are the parsley, the thyme, and the mint. I also moved the whole shebang onto the tiny counter by the far side of the stove, and put the new toaster oven in it's place. Love my toaster oven. It actually makes real toast, not warm bread, or burnt bread. I've cooked some bacon in it, too, and it's fast and does a great job. I'm going to try baking something in it, as soon as I get up the energy to bake something in it. It was 30 dollars in Walmart, and well worth it.

This is the Neilsen book week, started Thursday, and so far I've only watched about three hours of tv, one of them On Demand. There's no place to write On Demand viewing, so I just put it in a regular slot but said it was OD. Will they care? Do I? You can comment in the back, so I said I prefer On Demand or Hulu because I get too annoyed with the incessant commercial breaks to watch regular tv much. I don't think they'll care about that, either. Nobody wants to hear my opinions on these things. I do not understand why. No, no I don't. That's all, folks.

Too Good To Miss

Found this:

http://www.neodiafilm.ru/masterpeaces/fraud-eng.html

Here:

http://community.livejournal.com/tw_cosplay/8574.html

Made me laugh. Torchwood fans are the best.

Veteran's Day

It's Veteran's Day here in the United States. How fortunate we are to have men and women willing to go off and fight and sometimes die to keep us free. Unfortunately, a lot of us use that freedom to discriminate against gays, people of color, people of religions other than the particular one we cling to. They forget that wars are fought and people die so ALL of us can be free, not just the ones who look, act, and believe as we do. Free means we all have the same rights under the law. ALL of us.

Veterans of all wars deserve our utmost respect, and all the benefits and help we can provide when needed. I've known some veterans in my life. My father, who came home with a life-long injury, my father-in-law, my brother-in-law who came home a drug addict, my high-school friend who came home from Viet Nam with no legs, my husband's best friend and best man at our wedding who came home from Nam in a body bag. For them, I choose not to discriminate, not to judge, not to live as though my way were the only way, and anyone who doesn't agree does not deserve to have the same protections of the law that I do. I choose freedom and equal rights for every human. I hope you will, too.

A good day and some cool stuff

Not feeling quite as good as I have been, but not too much more pain. Went out today to do a bit of shopping with a friend, and mostly sat on a bench and enjoyed the lovely fall day while she went off to find a tea-strainer at a kitchen store. It was gray, but had that quality of light that I find indescribable, but which combined with the almost leafless trees and the fall colors just makes me feel very contented. I couldn't find a good picture, so you'll just have to use your imagination. Here's a picture of the Tardis instead. I should start taking my camera with me when I go out. Here are a couple of things from today's internet:

1. Do you like Legos? I used to play with them as a kid. I don't think I will take them up again, but I do like seeing what others do with them on this site:

http://www.brothers-brick.com/

2. Remember the Berlin Wall? More great pictures from Boston.com here:

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/

Jury Duty/Madmen

If you don't watch Madmen, what is wrong with you? Kidding, just kidding. Last night's season finale was the best episode yet of a show that was already unbelievably well written and acted. Jon Hamm is so good at displaying the dark side, the soft side, the ruthless side, the uncertain side (yes, I know that's a lot of sides, folks). It is a pleasure to watch him. The rest of the cast are just as amazing. Check out this show if you haven't seen it before. You won't be sorry.

On the other issue, I have been called again for jury duty. Now, I would love to do my civic duty and sit on a jury. Unless of course it was a gory murder with pictures. But I think it would be fascinating to see how the justice system really works, as opposed to how we think it works from watching tv. If I were well, I would do this without a second thought. But since I am not well, I need a letter from my doctor. I had one last time I was called, and I thought it was a permanent disqualifying letter, but apparently not. New doctor now, and I've only seen him twice, so I hope this doesn't become a big deal. I get tired. I get stressed. When I am tired and/or stressed, I cannot think well. I cannot remember things. It would be wrong to put me in a position of deciding on someone else's guilt or innocence if my brain is not working well. I hope my doctor gets this. I need to call him tomorrow and get this sorted out.

I spent my whole life not being called for jury duty, and now I have been called twice since I became ill. What's that about?

But They're Just So Fun

You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times... You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

What Season Are You?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

You Are 20% Sociopath

You're empathetic, loyal, and introspective. In other words, there's no way you're a sociopath... but you can spot one pretty easily!

Are You A Sociopath?

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

You Are Very Joyful

You may not be happy all of the time, but you experience frequent moments of joy in your life. There are moments so perfect that time has stood still and you wish you could freeze it forever. You are so joyful because you appreciate the small things in life. You know joy is more about who you are than what you have. You are thankful to be alive, and you know that things could be a lot worse. You are content with your life.

Are You Joyful?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

Mars

Here are some amazing pictures of Mars. Mars. It boggles the mind, unless you were born after the moon landing, I guess. Here's the link.

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/11/martian_landscapes.html

Too Much Sci-Fi

Yes, I know I watch too much sci-fi, but seriously. Look at these pictures and tell me this creature doesn't look like something from outer-space. There are a lot of creatures that would make great aliens in sci-fi shows, but are actually inhabitants of planet Earth. That is so cool.

http://www.zooborns.com/zooborns/2009/11/perths-uggly-puggly-echidna-babies.html

Okay

I can't understand half of what they're saying, but I love it anyway......and it's TORCHWOOD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu4mFV3TxTo&feature=player_embedded

My Day So Far

Got up at 10:30. Yay, me. Didn't stay up til three playing on computer.

Lots of pain from being out yesterday. Hobbled to couch. Turned on tv. Ate three digestive biscuits while surfing and checking grid. Nothing but dreck, dreck, and more dreck on tv. Decide to take a shower.

Take shower, pain still there with addition of fatigue.

Lay down on bed to recover. Get cold. Get under covers. Fall asleep. Wake up at 4:30pm.

Pain better. Go to couch, turn on tv, watch talking heads. Feed cat. Drink milk.

Turn on computer.

My life is almost too exciting to bear. HA!

Found a New Group

I like their music.  I am posting from Scribefire, so not sure how this is going to come out. 

YouTube - Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody

One More

I think this means I didn't really do all that well. As with everything in my life, I learned too little, too late. Good thing I don't care anymore.

Your result for The Useful Relationship Skills Test...

The Catch

85% Knowledgeable!

Wow... none too shabby, hot stuff! The test probably wasn't all that easy, but you showed some solid efforts (perseverance is an excellent trait in a partner).

There's always something we could be doing better. Don't rest on your laurels: build on your current awareness and skills to become an even BETTER partner and fulfilled person.

There's always so much depth and complexity to people & the way we're wired. Dig deeper. Take another look at your test results, and be inspired to research concepts of communication, responsibility, and fighting fair... or anything else you think might make your relationships really zing.

Human beings are very complex systems. There's a lot to learn, not just about relating, but of oneself. Being in a good relationship improves one's longevity and health. You owe it to yourself to find out more!

Take The Useful Relationship Skills Test at HelloQuizzy

I know, I know

But they're fun.

Your result for The Social Persona Test (Version 2.5)...

The Renaissance Faire Wench (QLAF)

Quirky Liberal Alpha Female

You are perhaps the most popular result on OKCupid, but don’t worry, you are anything but common. I’m guessing you are quite flirtatious, but you are hardly reliant on men. You like to do things the mainstream would consider strange, (like dress in costume, perhaps?), but this gives you an irresistible allure. Eat, drink, and be merry, but make sure whoever you date respects you and does not take advantage of your laid-back attitude. (BTW, you are likely the only type who can see The Sports Spectator (NLBM) for who he is, helping him to bring out the Manga Geek (QLBM) inside. This does not mean you have to date one, however. You are quite flexible and can enjoy the company of many of the types.)

PS: You are one of my favorite types to date. If you happen to be between 20 and 30 and live in New England or the Tri-state area, perhaps you would like to send me a message.

--BookWyrm85 :-D

You are more QUIRKY than NORMAL.

You are more LIBERAL than TRADITIONAL.

You are more DOMINANT than PASSIVE.

When picking a date, consider: The Lord of the Misfits (QLAM), The Fratt Boy (NLAM), The Snowball's Chance in Hell (QTBM), The Manga Geek (QLBM), or The Sports Spectator (NLBM).

(Image from http://www.buycostumes.com/Lock-Lace-Bodice-Navy-Renaissance-Collection-Adult/27296/ProductDetail.aspx)

Take The Social Persona Test (Version 2.5) at HelloQuizzy

Whew!

Thank goodness. http://www.lockergnome.com/forsythe/2009/10/30/youre-not-wasting-time-online-youre-brain-training/

Endgame

I just watched this, for two reasons: 1. Nothing else on 2. I liked Jonny Lee Miller in Eli Stone, and wanted to see if I would like him in something else. I did. I wasn't going to watch it based on a couple of reviews I read, but I'm glad I did. It could have been dull and boring.....it was mainly about a group of men sitting around a table discussing how to end apartheid.....but instead, it was riveting. The writing, the acting, the directing made this a show that kept me on the edge of my seat. What goes on behind closed doors when good men who start out distrustful and even afraid of one another but slowly come to realize that they are the same, and working for the same goals, albeit in very different ways at the start. The evil that some men do in order to gain and keep power. In this instance, the good men won out. At the end, when Nelson Mandela made his first public appearance after 27 years of prison, they all looked like they wanted to jump up and down with excitement, and so did I. That is a good show, made more so because it was true. I recommend this, says the first-time television critic. *very big grin*

Videos

The first one is for my friend from http://moonlit-puutarha.blogspot.com/, who showed me how to put vids on my blog. Thank you.

The picture is my idea of Lapland, from things learned in school I guess. Apparently there is more to it than that. Check out the Moonlit blog for beautiful pictures.

It Works!

Things are so much easier when someone shows you how to do them. *smile* Thanks. I picked this first song for you, new friend. It's from Winter Sonata, a Korean program. I used to get the Asian channel and this show was on it. Loved it. Bought the DVD set. It has subtitles, I don't speak Korean. I barely speak English some days.

Loser

Yes, I am one. I got up at 8am. Yay, me. I was going to get myself together enough to go downstairs and get the mail I haven't gotten since sometime last week. Instead, I made coffee and fired up the old pc. Checked out some blogs, decided to try to add the youtube side thingies that are on the Moonlit blog, tried and tried and could not succeed. Gave up. Decided to put labels on my blog posts. Just finished. Still in pajamas, still haven't had any food, still haven't gotten the mail. It's like I'm glued to the computer. LOLOL Oh, well. I have fun and meet new people and see and read so many things I would never even know about without my little desktop. Today I'm googling Finland. Life is good. But if my new friend (I hope) from the Moonlit blog reads this, maybe he can tell me how to add those sidebar widgets. *smile*

And I Am..........

Interesting. (Not me, the results.) I prefer truth, I like to know where I stand with people. My life was torn apart more than once and I had to start anew, learning and growing and becoming more certain of who I am each time it happened. I became a student of zen, although not formally a buddhist. I learned to cope with my illness, I learned to fight off the depression, although that can be very difficult at times. I learned to appreciate change, not fear it. Life has been very good to me, I think.

You are The Tower

Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.

The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.

The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

OMG!

Castle is on, and Nathan is wearing his Firefly outfit. Or at least he was when I started this post. PC VERY slow tonight. Anyway......wooooohoooooo!! Here's a link to the vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q3pdj9p6yI

Is It Just Me?

I was just watching Madmen, a great show, when they had a Clorox commercial. At one point it said, ....your mother, your grandmother, they all did laundry. A couple of men, too.

Is it just me, or is there a certain innuendo there? Maybe I've been reading too much Torchwood fan fiction. *Hangs head in shame* LOL

Do You Love ABBA?

Here's a Doctor Who/Torchwood vid with Mamma Mia:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5ppWNGFkr8&feature=player_embedded

Here's a Torchwood vid:
http://fanaticalwhovian.blogspot.com/2009/10/torchwood-with-enterprise-theme.html

Oh, people......

I have sixty-six feeds in my Google Reader. Between that, email, and reading Torchwood fan fiction, I am spending my life in this chair, at this desk, with this computer. I am quite enjoying myself, since my real life is sooooooo not filled with anything at all (thank you, illness)but really....am I just hiding in my cyberworld? Do I care? Am I happy? I am. I really am. Crazy can be fun.

Fire

Fire scares me. In Colorado, I once saw a woman being taken into the ambulance after her house burned. She looked like she had a really deep suntan. She died. When I lived in NH, there was the horrific Malden Mills fire in Methuen, Mass. I remember the story about one man that was written long afterwards. It still haunts me. Then there was the Station Fire in Pawtucket, RI. I cannot imagine. Fire. It scares me.

But fire is beautiful, as well. The post was instpired by this video:

http://napalmdragon.com/

but I had already saved some pictures of fire that are beautiful.









Fire. It scares me and it's beautiful.

Al Franken

This is why they tried so hard to keep him from being sworn in........the man has a brain and he's not afraid to use it. I admire him. Seriously.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgqqSHr0wVA&feature=player_embedded

Equality and Gay Rights

Sometimes, I get so disgusted with the attitudes of some people who claim to represent my country that I just want to spit. Then I come across something like this, something that makes me feel proud again:

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/10/20/86-year-old-wwii-vet.html

Invisibility

A comment from this excellent post on invisibility:

http://disabledfeminists.com/2009/10/20/what-can-i-do/#comment-537

"I was so grateful when I got my cane, because it gave me an excuse to ask for seats on the bus, or first dibs on the elevator. (Though, my school keeps its elevators accessible by making sure they’re slow, small, smell of pee, and placed where no one not following the tiny wheelchair signs will find them.) I also found that my anxiety had a lot to do about it, since I have social anxiety–on days when I had more mental spoons, I had the resources to just stand still on the escalator and put up with everyone else’s angry glares. When I didn’t have the spoons I wanted to apologize for sharing anybody’s air, and was willing to walk and take the stairs the long way round, just so I didn’t “inconvenience” anyone."

I like the idea of 'mental spoons', since I also have social anxiety. Some days I am up for going across the street to the convenience store by myself, and some days I cannot muster the courage. Thinking of it in the 'spoons' metaphor I think will help me come to terms better each time this comes up.

Some Things to Ponder

Women in America are not doing very well, but still I think we are doing better than most of the women in the world. But this is America, I expect more. Read the report:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jesse-kornbluth/maria-shrivers-report-on_b_325531.html

Here's a good video about the state of the news industry today:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lee-camp/moment-of-clarity---the-d_b_325470.html

And I Am........

Your results:You are
Deanna Troi
Deanna Troi

---

80%
Jean-Luc Picard

---

55%
Geordi LaForge

---

55%
Will Riker

---

55%
An Expendable Character (Redshirt)

---

55%
Uhura

---

50%
Beverly Crusher

---

45%
Worf

---

45%
James T. Kirk (Captain)

---

35%
Chekov

---

35%
Spock

---

29%
Data

---

27%
Mr. Sulu

---

25%
Mr. Scott

---

15%
Leonard McCoy (Bones)

---

10%

You are a caring and loving individual.
You understand people's emotions and
you are able to comfort and counsel them.



Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

Fixed the Connection Problem

Found the answer here:

http://social.answers.microsoft.com/Forums/en-US/

It was easy. In IE,go to Tools, Internet Options, Advanced, Reset IE Settings, OK, Restart IE. Done.

Relief.

Oh, and the fan-fic made me feel much better. *smile*

Random Thoughts

I don't. So I am having random thoughts about finding a baseball bat and doing some damage to the ole pc. Well, maybe not, but why doesn't the darn thing just work like it's supposed to?

The latest update screwed things up. After the reboot, after everything loaded and worked for about a minute.......total freeze-up. Hard shutdown, rinse, repeat. Many times. Safe mode? HAH! Useless to me. Finally got it to do a system restore and no more freeze-ups, even after it updated and rebooted again. BUT, don't you just love But? I cannnot download anything, and while IE and Safari load, they will not connect to anything. (One more reason I love, love, love my Firefox. It works just fine.) I just keep getting errors. Googled, Windows-Helped, did everything I can think of. It can't even do a diagnostic. I get an error message..."We're sorry. Something is not working and we won't fix it or even tell you what it is so YOU can fix it.'-" Helpful, Bill. Really helpful.

Okay, now that I've randomly pissed myself off again, I think I'll go read some Torchwood fan fiction. That I CAN do.

NCIS

Gibbs: Are you superstitious?

Vance: I'm a little stitious.

My new favorite thing.

It's almost as good as this:

Doctor Who: It's a wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey sort of thing.

Nielsen

It seems I am going to be a Neilsen household for a week in November. Fun. I get to comment as well as record which shows I watch and boy am I gonna tell them to quit with the pop-ups and the huge logos when I'm trying to watch a show. Also, I would rather have longer but fewer commercial breaks. Watching some shows is like reading a chapter of a really good mystery and then having to read two chapters of Herbert Hoover's biography before you can move on to the next chapter. Think they'll listen? Yeah, me neither.

Still having pretty good days. Don't know why, but I'm liking it. I even had my homemaker buy some winter squash and cabbage, which I am planning but not counting on having enough energy to prepare. I want to make stuffed cabbage as soon as ground turkey goes on sale, and I love winter squash. There is so much you can do with it. Cutting it is hard, though, so I have to be having a really good day, or microwave it a bit first, which I've never actually tried.

My homemaker is really nice. She's fun to spend time with. She is young, with young children, and it is amazing how uninformed she is about things. She had no idea diet soda is bad for you, why you should never eat ground beef, what an acorn squash was. And that's only the food-related things. I really like her. She asks a lot of questions and really wants to know things. Did I mention she's fun? She is. *smile*

It's getting colder by the day. The Neilsen guy was very friendly on the phone this morning. He said it was 90 in Florida, where he lives, and has been every day for awhile, and he is seriously considering moving back to Buffalo, NY, where he's from. I've been to Buffalo, in the winter. Brrrr! I told him Massachusetts is very nice. LOL He said it didn't used to be so hot all the time in Florida, you could have the windows open and fresh air, but now it's a/c all the time. Unless there's an ice age, I am never going to Florida. So!

Oh, if you want to know why you should never eat ground beef, here's the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/04/health/04meat.html

It's Been a Good Week

I actually cooked on Wednesday and Thursday, and Wednesday I had enough energy left to wash up the dishes afterwards. I've also been tidying up some here and there. Finally got the kitchen counter cleared of the big tray with meds and vitamins, a couple of vases, and some other stuff that was taking up room. Table is still a disaster, but I am sorting some papers on it, so too bad.

It's about 3am and it's gorgeous. Warm with a soft rain falling. My kind of night. I'm up way too late again, but that seems to be the case all the time lately. My natural sleep cycle seems to be several hours later than normal. Can't blame it on the fibro, I've always been that way. I am not a morning person.

Been reading some Torchwood fan-fiction. The only other ff I've read is some Firefly. There are some good writers out there.

I saw that Pres Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize. Like everyone else, even though I'm a fan of his, I had to ask 'huh???'. But I guess they gave it because the tone of this administration is more about finding ways to solve problems, rather than 'let's just bomb the hell out of everybody'. I wish people would give him a chance to do his work, instead of just being critical and questioning everything. Where were all the naysayers and criticizers when we were being conned into going to war?
God, I hate politics. Or maybe just politicians. And right-wing nuts who spend their time fomenting hatred and unrest. Aren't those supposed to be wrong? But what do I know? I prefer to just sit back and watch Craig Ferguson, who is in my opinion the funniest man on the planet. And hooray for Al Franken, too. A smart man on the correct side of the divide that is so relentlessly spread by the elephant party and their minions. /rant

What Would You Do?

The London Eye


A post from http://www.fightingfatigue.org/?p=7801 with a video of answers to that question. If you were completely well, what would you do? Needs thinking on.
I would get my apartment organized, decluttered, clean. I would get a dog. I would volunteer for things I feel passionate about. I would buy a car, renew my license, and go places again. I would visit friends without them having to come and get me and bring me home again. I would walk everywhere possible. I like walking, I just can't anymore. Oh, the possibilities! I couldn't go back to my old job, it's been eleven years. I'd definitely have more fun. I'd love to go check out The Providence Zen Center. I only live a few miles away, and I've never been. I'd take a cruise. I'd go to Europe. I'd go to Cardiff, to see where Torchwood is set. Of course, some of these would depend on me winning the lottery first, or somehow falling into money. But most of all, I wouldn't just sit here. It would be good. So, readers. What would YOU do?

Lovely Day

I got some tidying up done, and my friend Tess brought some groceries I had asked her to get for me. Then we played games on here for a bit. Fun. We always get hysterical with laughter when we play pc games. Especially Big Kahuna, the word game. It's my fav.

Wondering what my life would be like if I felt even this good on a daily basis. I still tire easily, and have some pain, but I am pretty functional. I could actually cook, and even go out to the library or something. Do more decluttering around here, too. It's amazing how backed up everything gets when you are not well. If you have family, they can pitch in with the tidying up and keeping things running well, but when it's just you and the cat, dishes pile up, mail piles up (got my mail, finally), everything gets messy. Then your feeling better time has to be spent clearing up all the things you couldn't do because you were feeling crappy. Feeling good times should be reserved for fun. Fun is very, very important in life. Even when you feel crappy, fun makes you feel that little bit better. I read fun blogs like the LOL stuff and Cute Overload because they make me smile, and quite often make me laugh out loud.

I wonder if anyone else out there is dealing with chronic illness on your own, and how you manage life. I like living alone, and not being responsible for anyone but myself and the cat, but sometimes it would be so nice to have someone who would cook a meal, or clean up the kitchen, or even make a cup of tea for me. What do you think, readers?

Much Better

I am. Much better today. Slept well, feel pretty good. It's a gorgeous fall day, too. Sunshine, breezy, comfortable. I have showered, but I need to get dressed so I can go down and get my mail. Last time I got it was last Monday, over a week ago. I'm sure the mailman is not happy with me.

I found this program on tv the other day about a food challenge in Canada. It was to only eat items produced within one hundred miles of where you live, for one hundred days. Not so simple as you might think. No sugar or coffee or salt or pepper or any spices. A long list of things we take for granted. It really got me thinking about how we live. My first thought was what if it was winter? I live in New England, and there isn't a lot in season in winter. You'd have to live more like our ancestors, learning how to preserve food. How would you do that? Canning, root cellars. No brining, because no salt. I think this would be really hard for anyone, but for someone with a chronic illness, the work involved would make it impossible. How fortunate we are to live in a time where food is easily available in pretty much ready-to-eat forms year round. I could not survive otherwise, since I live by myself and cannot afford a private chef.

That's something I've learned since becoming ill. Not to take so much for granted, because I can't. You have to be healthy to grow your own food, prepare your own food, raise your own animals, all the things people had to do not that long ago. Illness makes you count your blessings. I know some people spend their time bemoaning the fact that they can't be their pre-illness selves, and trying to find something to fix them. I do that, too, sometimes. But I prefer to learn the lessons of illness. Appreciating what I can do, what is available to help me survive with illness, friends who are willing to help out with the really hard stuff. I think I have a wonderful life, even though it isn't the life I thought it would be, or the life I used to have. It is still a good life, with friends and fun and lots to be grateful for. Like Jack and Ianto. *smile*

I Seem to Be Sick

I never get sick, but last Monday a friend came over and she was coming down with a cold and I must have gotten it. I don't have cold symptoms, though. I just feel worse than normal. Does a cold or similar illness manifest as a fibro flare instead of the actual cold symptoms? I haven't had a fever, although I did have a brief 'sweat' thing yesterday, for no reason I could see. I've been spending most of my time on the couch or sitting here. I'm thinking maybe I DO get sick, but it causes increased fibro symptoms in lieu of what 'normal' people get when they are sick. I am puzzled and confused. Maybe what I think are flares are really that I've caught something and don't know it. Or maybe this doesn't make any sense at all and I should just go to bed. I love this snap of Ianto, btw. "He always cheats." I snagged it off a fanvid.

Hmmmm

Too late. Someone twittered the crazy post. I'm going to put it back, I guess. As soon as I figure out how. Just remember, much better now. Thanks. *smile*

Well, I would have put it back, but I saved it on Evernote, and Evernote has let me down. It's not there. I was pretty much just feeling really down, and relating it to my obsession with Torchwood. Depression grabs me sometimes, but after a few days, it lets go again. Torchwood made me sad because I was relating to Ianto and I felt he was never really sure he was loved or that he mattered, and I've had that in my life. Then I described my feelings about my life since my husband left, even before I got sick. It's like I've fallen through the Rift, and I'm drifting around in this limbo without knowing where I am, where I've been, where I'm going, how to get home. But my home, and the life that I had then, no longer exist, so there's nothing to get back to. Like this is not my real life, and I am just in that limbo waiting. For what, I don't know. For my life to somehow come back. I feel like nothing I say or think or feel or do, or how I feel with being ill, matters. Nothing has any meaning because I have fallen through the Rift and this is not my life. It's not as crazy-sounding as it was when I originally posted it, cause I was feeling really, really sad and it definitely came through in the post. I miss Ianto, even though he was never real. Have I mentioned that I'm crazy? *smile*

Gee, people, if you're going to twitter me, couldn't you leave a little comment here, as well. Did you twitter because I was fascinating? Because I sound like an idiot? Because I talk about Torchwood? I'd like to know. Sometimes I think I might as well write on iDaily Diary on my laptop, which isn't connected to the internet. Complain, complain, complain. That's all I seem to be doing. But I really am better. I'd just really like to hear from someone out there. Oh, well.

All Better

So taking down the crazy post. If you happened to read it, just pretend you didn't. Thanks. *smile*

Russia

I had a visitor from Russia. How cool is that? Wish they had left a comment, but I don't read or speak Russian, so unless they knew English, it wouldn't matter anyway. I wonder what life is like in Russia, how people there manage with chronic illness, what their health-care system is like, what they eat for breakfast, do they have the same drek on tv that we do. I can think of a jillion questions. Or a lot, anyway.

Had a pretty good day after a so-so weekend of poor sleep and just vegging. Went out with a friend and did a little shopping, then watched some Torchwood fanvids and played a game on here. It was a gorgeous day which changed to a rainy evening. I like rain. There's just something so....wet.....about it. LOL Really, it's just a kind of comforting bit of weather, maybe because it was so dry when I was growing up in Colorado. It's late, and I'm off to bed. Homemaker tomorrow. Have to be up on time.

About This Blog

I love my blog, I really do. It's cute, and it's changeable, and I can add lots of extras. But the links aren't clickable, sometimes I can't reply to comments, and I hardly get any comments anyway. Whether that's because I am not a great blogger or because it doesn't let people comment, I don't know. I am again seriously considering moving it, but if anyone reads this who ISN'T one of my children, I'd appreciate a comment. Or email me at excentric97 AT operamail.com. I really need to make the decision to move it or not, and could use your help, readers.

Amazing video

An amazing woman artist at work. http://videos.komando.com/2009/09/23/history-in-sand/

Health Care Reform

Yes I am a member of MoveOn. I am one of those left-wing liberals and proud of it. Here's a link to an amusing video about health care reform.

http://pol.moveon.org/insurance_execs/?id=17286-2765580-nzTZYRx&t=2

Flu Vaccination and Fibro/CFS

Here's a link to a post from a blog I read regularly. I never get a flu shot, and I had flu way back in the late 50's-early 60's and I read somewhere (this link?) that I may be immune because of it. I am careful with handwashing, etc., and would rather not expose myself to something that may cause serious consequences. Anyone remember the last swine flu vaccine debacle? How do you all feel about this? Here's the link:

http://www.fightingfatigue.org/?p=7721

Autumn

I love Autumn. I do. Day before yesterday was a perfect Autumn day. Clear, cool, blue sky, beautiful. Just perfect.

Update on the fibro life.....after the good day I had last week, I had not-good days up until Tuesday, the perfect Autumn day. I had a very good day Tuesday, then not so much yesterday, and a pretty good day today. I don't know what makes the difference.

Saturday, even though I wasn't feeling great, I managed to get it together enough to go to a friend's house and do some pc fixing and cleaning and just making things less annoying. I got a great free dinner for my trouble, cooked by my friend, who is a great cook, and I didn't even have to clean up after. Her hubbies helped with that. Which was good, because by then I was totally exhausted. But her pc is working much better, and I got AOL to stop hijacking everything. I hate AOL. I'm sorry, but I do. I am so glad I never got sucked in to downloading it. She spent more time getting it out of her way than using the computer for things she wanted to do.

Hoping to get my Torchwood Season One DVD's tomorrow. I already have seasons two and three. I plan to watch them one after the other on one of my 'can't do anything so may as well watch tv' days. There are a lot of those with fibro/chronic fatigue, believe me. And tv.....the actual broadcast tv, is really terrible. It's a lot like AOL.....many, many interruptions so you can't watch the show you want to watch. Commercials have grown exponentially the past several years, making the whole tv experience one big annoyance. And they wonder why they are losing viewers. Between commercials and those horrible screen-covering popups and logos, why even bother.

Speaking of Torchwood, if they do happen to make a season four, I'm not sure I will watch it. It seems Russell Davies is killing off people just so he can get Jack and Gwen together. I'm expecting Rhys to die if there is a season four. When you watch them without a week between eps, you really get to see what a peach Gwen really is. She lies continually to Rhys and Andy, she uses Andy whenever possible to get what she wants. She is really not a very nice person, I think. And I'm still really, really angry about Ianto. So there!

It was a good day

In spite of not sleeping well because of leg pain and restless legs acting up, I was up at 9am. but the best part is that I ate well all day. Started with coffee, then oatmeal. Lunch was a Kashi frozen lasagna-type thing, then I had fage with a bit of maple syrup for snack, scrambled eggs with cheese for dinner, and now I'm having some whole grain toast. Oh, and I had a root beer float after lunch. I don't usually eat this much in a day, but what I do eat is not as healthy, so I am pleased.

Tonight I watched 'Live Free or Die Hard', an impossible-to-believe movie in which any normal person would have been dead after the first half hour, but hey, it's Bruce. I only watched it cause it has Justin Long, who I like. He used to be on Ed, and I remember thinking he was going to be a big deal. He held his own with Mr. Willis, I thought. He was great in 'Galaxy Quest', too, even though his role wasn't that big. I love that movie and watch whenever it's on. Even with commercials.

Tomorrow is tech support day. I'm going to my friend Tess's house to work on her pc. That will be fun. We do tend to get hysterical with laughter a lot.

Hoping for a good night with actual sleeping going on. I'll let you know.