Strangely Peculiar

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2012-02-10T17:35:00.000-05:00

testing email addys

THIS BLOG IS MOVING

2011-06-29T19:24:00.001-04:00

I am giving Wordpress a try. I won't delete this until I'm certain I'm making the move permanent. Here's the new blog address:

http://mynewstrangelypeculiarblog.wordpress.com/

Comments

2011-06-28T23:02:00.002-04:00

Even though everything is set for comments, apparently there's a glitch or something. I am seriously thinking of moving to Wordpress. I'll keep you posted.

Couldn't Comment?

2011-06-27T17:48:00.003-04:00

I changed the comment format in hopes that will fix the issue, which I only now became aware of. So if you've tried to comment before and couldn't, please try again to see if this works. If it doesn't, the help forum says to enable third party cookies and that might fix it. Let me know what works (if you can comment, that is. LOL) Thank you dear readers. I know you're out there. :)

My New Favorite Quote

2011-06-26T17:34:00.002-04:00

Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, regarding Marriage Equality:

“Government should not tell you what to do unless there’s a compelling public purpose.”

What????

2011-06-26T14:47:00.006-04:00

I used to say, lo these many years ago, "That's a lotta tea" run together. Thatsalada tea. Then Salada tea came out with a commercial using just that play on words. Hey, it was MY idea.

So now I've been saying for years that the Republicans philosophy is "I've got mine, so screw you." Lo and behold, found this today:

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2011/06/24/ayn-rand-and-the-sociopathic-society-or-how-i-learned-to-stop-loving-my-neighbor-and-despise-them-instead/

Hey, I said it first. No one wrote an article about it then.

On another topic, some people have mentioned to me that they are not able to comment on this blog. If any one out there who can, knows why some can't, please can you let me know what to do in the comments? Thank you.

What?

2011-06-22T19:46:00.002-04:00

Why yes. I did change the look of my blog. Then I was going to post something, got side-tracked, and completely forgot. The new background is Van Gogh's 'The Almond Tree'. I love it.

Gray and rainy day. I love rain. Having a recovery day, since I went out Monday, then my homemaker came yesterday. I don't seem to have anything to say anymore. Not sure why. I am much better on the new medicine, no brain fog, thinking ahead to things I want to do, something I haven't done for quite a long time. I did not realize how lethargic and out-to-lunch I was, I just gradually became accustomed to it and stopped noticing. Miracle drug comes along (actually, it's thyroid med), and my brain has gone into, "I WORK!! Woo Hoo!!!" mode. Unfortunately, my body hasn't caught up, so I am doing more, but having a lot more pain as a consequence. Everything is a trade-off. I'm just so glad my brain is working again, and I've had a lot of pain since I got sick anyway. I can plan, and consider, and evaluate, and think ahead to consequences. You don't know how much you've lost til you suddenly get it back, I guess.

I watched the uncut Jon Stewart on Fox interview, not the Fox cut, since even if I still had cable, I would never watch Fox on purpose. Anyway, here is Jon's hilarious take on what they actually aired on Fox.

Ramblings and meme quiz

2011-06-16T15:58:00.003-04:00

Slept on my new mattress last night. For the first time since I can't remember when, I did not wake up needing to move because of pain, I did not wake up in the morning in pain, and I've felt really good today. Just the usual illness stuff. It's incredible. The mattress was made in the USA, too.

You Are a Magazine

You are flexible, laid back, and open to the world. You are a total novelty seeker, and you always appreciate new eye candy.

You are a natural daydreamer. If you had your way, you would live several lives at once.

You are very smart - but in more of a "street smart" than "book smart" sort of way.

Your mind just operates on a totally different plane. You are able to take in a lot more information than most people.

Are You a Book, Magazine, or Newspaper?

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

Two Things I Like

2011-06-16T12:08:00.001-04:00

1. Read the comments, too:

http://front.moveon.org/jobless-in-the-usa-a-tale-of-two-presidents/

2.

Starbucks Letter

2011-06-15T16:28:00.003-04:00

https://lilfamilyblog.wordpress.com/2011/06/13/i-know-starbucks-is-not-an-anti-gay-homophobic-company-by-policy-but/

I Made This

2011-06-13T16:34:00.002-04:00

It makes me happy.

Thunderstorms

2011-06-09T09:09:00.002-04:00

We had some last night, and more predicted for tonight. Severe thunderstorms. Makes me think 'tornado' now, where it never did before. Scary.

It's been hot and sticky since Tuesday night. Supposed to reach 99 today. Ninety-nine. Degrees. Fahrenheit. This is the second Bad Air Warning day, too. Not that unusual, but 99 degrees is. Three cheers for whoever invented air-c0nditioning.

I've unplugged just about everything, not only to avoid lightning damage, but also in hopes of keeping the power going. I know most people just go ahead and run everything, even if it does strain the power grid, but with no a/c, it would be pretty miserable, so I'm doing my (miniscule) part.

Slept all day yesterday due to pain and being up most of the night before. Got up at 6pm, so have been up all night. I read, watched White Collar on Hulu, read some more, took a shower, got dressed, read some more. Yes, I like to read. It doesn't hurt or exhaust me. It's a good thing. I downloaded the free Amazon Kindle for PC. There are a lot of free books for it from Amazon and other places, so I have a bunch saved to read. To buy a book doesn't cost nearly as much as an actual book, either, and no clutter.

Gertrude is hiding, as usual. She was out, but heard some thunder and under the bed she went. My essential calming oil hasn't arrived yet, but I'm hoping it will help. I'm going to just let her sniff it at first, to see if she has any kind of bad reaction. Cats can be allergic to things, too, so best to be cautious. That's it for now. BAck to your regular programming.

Time For A Change

2011-06-06T11:22:00.003-04:00

Needed a new look. Not sure I love this one, but will give it a try.

Still gorgeous weather here, except for allergies. No sneezing, but tired and stuffy. Been having a lot of pain recently, also. Okay, that's it for illness.

I may have mentioned I live in a small apartment. One room has to serve as living, dining, office. So I'm thinking I may get rid of the table and chairs and just get a coffee table or something. I don't really use the table much except to put stuff on, but I really like it. I'm torn. Once it's gone, it's gone, and I wouldn't be able to get it back if by some happenstance I moved to a place with an eat-in kitchen.

I'd love a bigger kitchen, anyway. This one has so little counter space that there's really not much room to do anything. It has a dishwasher, but for some reason, when dishwashers are included, there is only a single sink. I miss a double sink. It has a lot of uses that a single sink doesn't accommodate.

I guess I'm just thinking out loud, mulling things over, looking for a way to make things easier and more convenient. You take a lot for granted when you are well, and being ill really makes you realize how much effort is needed to do things. When you have a lot of energy, it doesn't matter, but when your only have a limited amount, everything becomes something major to deal with. I guess that's it. Off to take pills and shower and eat and all that jazz.

It's Morning

2011-06-02T09:02:00.003-04:00

I've been up all night except for a snooze on the couch for an hour or so. This sleep thing makes life interesting.

It's a beautiful, glorious day. The leaves on the pear trees across the street are glittering in the sunlight. It's cool and dry and quite breezy and wonderful, and all I can think about is that there are four people who were alive yesterday afternoon but didn't live to see today. It just seems so unfair. There you are, minding your own business, doing whatever you're doing, when a thunderstorm pops up, turns into a tornado, and you are done. Just like that.

Scary, how fragile life is. I need to appreciate it more. Even being ill, there is so much beauty and joy in the world that is always available to me if I allow myself to notice it.

I try not to let illness get me down. I do not succeed all the time, but I do try to enjoy my life every day, to laugh every day. I am fortunate to have a friend who is as crazy as I am and who calls me every day whereupon we get hysterically laughing over absolutely nothing. We can find humor in just about anything. That's a very good thing.

I wonder if cats can sense the weather. Gertrude was invisible the entire day yesterday, til well after all the storms had run their course. She didn't come out of hiding until around 10 pm, which is completely out of character for her. She likes to sit with me and get in the way when I'm using the laptop. It's her thing. But not yesterday. Interesting.

Her name is actually Snowflake, but I call her Gertrude. Because I can. My mother called all of our pets, dog, cats, male, female, she called them all Sam. Considering that she would call me my sister's name and vice versa, I guess it was less confusing for her and the animals. Hmmm, I seem to have neglected to get up and take that first pill. Guess I'd better move it.

Weather

2011-06-01T18:02:00.004-04:00

There have just been three tornadoes here in Mass in the past couple of hours. I think that is a record for this area. The first one is going by just a bit north of us. Not sure it's still an actual tornado, may be just a severe storm. It is finally no longer Gray May. Now it's Gray With Wicked Weather June. I don't think anyone was seriously hurt, but I have everything but the laptop (on battery) unplugged, so can't watch the news. I joked with my friend Tess that I would have to move to Canada, cause they don't have tornadoes there. 'YET!' she said. LOL Climate change or not, it's getting interesting.

Feeling better after several recovery days from going out Saturday. Two days of pain, one night of no sleep, one day of sleeping all day, one night of up very late and up at 10, and last night not sleeping well. Do I have an exciting life, or what?

UPDATE: It's quarter past nine pm and there are still tornado watches north of me, and severe thunderstorms with hail. We're having a lot of lightening, but I have the tv on watching the news. They've declared a state of emergency, and the Governor just came on to say something. Four people have been killed and it's not known how many were injured, homes destroyed, trees down. Mother Nature is not happy, it seems. Oops, I think channel 5 just lost power. They were in the midst of a severe storm. Channel 4 is still on, but there not having any coverage except for a ticker. Think I'll unplug the tv now.

It's a Gray May Day

2011-05-30T12:11:00.003-04:00

Hot and sticky and I've had the ac on since last night, but it's still GRAY! This is worse than February in New Hampshire, which normally was the grayest month up there. Down here May is meant to be spring. Sunny. Nice. Not gray day after day after day after day.

It's the holiday, and here I sit by myself as I have for nearly every holiday for the eleven years I've lived here. Thanksgiving and Christmas are usually the only holidays I have someplace to go. Not complaining, just saying. I barely remember what it was like to have a life, where I went places and did things and worked and wasn't alone all the time.

Sometimes I wonder if my life would be different if I had responsibilities. A family to take care of. But then I know that when I have days like yesterday when I was in so much pain I just slept all day that I am fortunate to only have me and Gertrude to worry about. All she wants is food, water, and a clean litter box, and some cuddles, and that's all easily done. Even if I'm having a really bad day and don't get the food out on time, she doesn't seem to mind. Which reminds me. I ordered this calming essential oil mix to try, since she is so timid and jumpy. So I bought her a collar to dab it on when it gets here.

She's never had a collar, and I was expecting the worst, but she stood stock still while I put it on here, then she hid for a bit, came back and stared at me for a bit, and then up on the lap and all is forgiven. She doesn't seem to even know that it's there. Weird. Simon would have had it off in the first five minutes. Cats really do have their own quirks and likes and dislikes.

I know I haven't had much to say lately, but I hope I still have some readers out there. I am trying again to have some goals and a plan, but anyone who has this illness knows that you can plan all you want, but your body decides if you can follow through or not.

I have noticed a pattern going on recently. Well, probably longer than that, but I wasn't really paying that much attention. But I sleep okay (for me) for a night or two, then I am awake all night for a few days and sleep during the day. Doesn't matter if I take the knock-out pill or not.

I'm lucky that I don't have as much pain as some people do with this, and I can't imagine, cause it's hard enough just the way things are for me. Sometimes I admit that I just want to throw in the towel and stop trying, but I am a fighter by nature, and I hate to let things beat me. A little sunshine, low humidity, and temps in the upper 60s F would do me. But...it is a gray May day. And fun to say.

I know the picture has nothing in common with this post, but I like it. So.

Check out this great MSN video: 10 Disturbing Facts About Global Warming

2011-05-27T18:19:00.000-04:00

Check out this great MSN video: 10 Disturbing Facts About Global Warming

Well, darn!

2011-05-27T14:01:00.004-04:00

One of my LJ friends just posted about having to put down her beloved cat. Very sad. It put me right back there with my Simon. It's been three years and I still miss him. So now I'm all teary-eyed and grieving again. I have Gertrude, whom I love, but she is not at all like Simon, who was in-your-face and very, very annoying most of the time. But he was my best friend for a long time when I was just alone and going through all sorts of trials caused by becoming ill and no longer able to work. He was always there when I came home from whatever unpleasant and humiliating thing I had to do to survive. New Hampshire is NOT the place you want to have this kind of disaster. When they say 'Live Free or Die', they really mean it. Live free of any help from us, cause we don't care if you die or are homeless. I love Massachusetts, whose government does care. Anyway, this is about Simon, and missing him, and being sad and teary, and life sucks, then you die. Well, darn!

This is Cute

2011-05-19T12:08:00.002-04:00

I absolutely agree with the messsage, too. This is why my blog is not really about my illness. It's about my life in general, because I am NOT my illness, and I don't want it to be the focus of my life or my conversations. The message applies to anything, life in general. And it's a cheery vid. (hmmm, maybe I should change my header)

The Face of America

2011-05-17T11:36:00.005-04:00

Here's that blog from which I posted an article a few days ago.

http://www.addictinginfo.org/

It was sent to me by a friend and the article just said what I've been saying for a long time. I don't know much about the blog owners, but the blog really does reflect my anger.

But I'm not just angry. I'm also puzzled and saddened. I don't understand the people referenced in the blog. The right-wing conservatives, Republicans, Tea-Partiers. I don't get why they are so filled with hate for the rest of us. I don't understand how they can reconcile their supposed 'Christianity' with their NOT wanting to do unto others, NOT wanting to love their neighbors, NOT wanting to help the less-fortunate. Weren't these the precepts taught by their 'religion'? I did not think "Greed is good" or "I've got mine, so screw you. And by the way, I'm taking yours for myself, too." was taken from the Bible. I honestly don't understand what motivates these people. Have they become so distanced from their own humanity that they actually believe they are doing the right thing?

I am saddened that my country has fallen so far from the ideal I was raised to believe it was. I am saddened that I have no idea what to do about it. Signing petitions, posting about things...all well and good. But does any of it really make any kind of difference? I'm not at all sure it does.

I am ashamed and embarrassed by my country's leaders. The fact that they are so angry and resentful that an actual black person is president that they can't get out of their own way fast enough to do as much damage as is possible to the presidency. It disgusts me. I scares me. It makes me so disillusioned with them all. The smug look on John Boehner's (R-OH)face in the picture makes me sick. He looks like he's thinking, "F*** you, America", doesn't he?

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, I've lost all hope.

Facebook

2011-05-15T20:05:00.000-04:00

This is funny.

2011-05-13T17:58:00.003-04:00

Now that I'm (relatively) over myself after yesterday, here's the headline of an email from my local Freecycle:

OFFER: Misc Children and household items

Miscellaneous children. Hmmmm. Think I'll have to pass.

I Think I'm Losing It

2011-05-12T08:28:00.000-04:00

Up all Monday night. Up all day Tuesday. Slept til 4pm Wednesday, then fell asleep on the couch and slept til 7am today. Woke up in pain, as usual, did some stretching, started to cry. I never cry. I don't know how to do this anymore. I don't know how to cope with the screwed up sleep, the pain, the inability to do the things I need to do as well as the things I want to do. The just sitting here, living in my cyber-world, because the real world is something I just cannot manage any more. I don't know how to do this anymore. How to tough it out. How to keep a positive attitude. How to exist in this world of pain and sadness and loneliness. I've done it for eleven years, living here in my little box by myself, alone, alone, alone. Just my cat for company. Only rarely going outside. Outside for me is the public main street of my town. Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself here people. As much as I try not to do that, sometimes my life just overwhelms me with so much I cannot cope with. I don't know how to do this anymore.

What's The Word I Want

2011-05-07T16:25:00.003-04:00

EDIT: The site in the link is back as of May 16th.

It's not serendipity, but what describes this: I've found that quite often when I blog something or talk about something with someone, that soon after there will be something related on the net. For example, I just posted my opinion of Republicans a few posts back, and now I have come across this:

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2011/05/04/kill-the-poor-and-other-republican-plans/

Sleep

2011-05-06T15:20:00.003-04:00

It's still Friday, and I've now been up about 25 hours. Not a record for me, but still. Gorgeous day. I apparently am still in a quiet period, as I seem to have nothing to say. Well, except I miss my life, the one I had before I got sick. Oh, well.

Oh, wait. Facebook. I signed up a few weeks ago, much against my better judgement, and have been cringing ever since. So I finally just deleted the account. There's nothing there that I can't live without, and their business practices just make my skin crawl. So goodbye Facebook.

2011-05-06T00:54:00.002-04:00

Still working on the sleep thing It is never-ending. Is that meant to be hyphenated? Up all night, slept all day, Up at 3pm. 3pm. Oi.

Edit: Trying out the Windows Live blog function. It is pretty simple to use, but not sure what the point is.

2011-05-03T23:53:00.003-04:00

Well, people. (Are you still out there, people?) I have been rather miserable and withdrawn for the past week or so, every day feeling worse than the day before. Guess what? It's allergies. Allergies were making me miserable. Not sneezing or the normal allergy stuff, but headachy, dizzy, very very tired, and closed down. Allergies. Who knew? Taking allergy pills now, and feeling much, much better. If only there was a pop-up in the brain to let us know what is causing things, life would be so much easier. You know. Something like:
"Windows (your brain) has detected a problem with the operating system. To repair (This info would NEVER pop up in the real Windows) see your doctor for allergy medication", or thyroid medicine, or whatever will fix whatever is wrong. But no. We are forced to suffer, guess, or trek to the doctor's with an 'I don't know what's wrong, I just feel terrible.'

Anyway, I am hoping to get back to more regular blogging. We may have had a moment of unity over Bin Laden's demise, but that doesn't mean the battles are over. The Republicans still have their 'do in the poor folks so they'll just disappear and we can have everything for ourselves' agenda, and the Democrats are still caving left and right instead of standing up for what is right for the citizens they are supposed to represent. See? I'm better. A little anger coming back. It's a good thing.

Blogging

2011-04-28T15:01:00.003-04:00

This is me lately. Not a lot to say, or motivation to say it. Tired and pain. My life so far.

I did have a nice birthday last week. A friend took me to lunch, then we did a bit of shopping and went for a ride. It's spring, see the pretty flowering trees and shrubs? Yes. Yes we did.

Saturday I went to another friend's house and stayed overnight. Birds, pine trees, talk, wine, shushi. Sunday was sitting on the deck, enjoying the sun and the breeze and the cardinals and other birds. Glorious Her husband came home Sunday afternoon with two rainbow trout he'd caught on his fishing trip. We had that and steak with fries for dinner. Steak, my favorite food. All in all, it was a really good weekend and I'm glad I was well enough to go. I have been recovering ever since, but it was worth it.

They say La Nina is causing the really terrible weather this country has been having, but what about the rest of the planet? Climate change is real, people. Be prepared.

I've been reading more than ever. A lot of fan fiction (Torchwood/Sherlock), but I also have the free Kindle app from Amazon on my computer, and bought some books and downloaded a bunch of free ones. I really like the Kindle app, so long as they don't take down my books like they did last year for some users. I forget which book it was, but if you bought it, isn't it yours? Not in the cyber-world, it seems. Nothing in the cyber-world actually belongs to you, I think. Interesting.

So I'm not in the best frame of mind I've ever been in, which means the humor is sadly lacking. I'll feel better soon, though, she says confidently. LOL

A song

2011-04-25T17:37:00.000-04:00

My friend in Finland sent this to me.

Angry and Sickened

2011-04-21T13:14:00.002-04:00

Crossposted to LJ

Posting the link, but also just the text because there are videos with commercials on the page.

abcnews.go.com/US/rutgers-roommate-charged-invasion-privacy/story

Text only:

By JESSICA HOPPER
April 20, 2011

A college student accused of secretly filming Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi having a same sex encounter in his dorm room just days before Clementi leapt to his death allegedly destroyed evidence and sent false tweets to try and throw off investigators, according to an indictment released today.

Dharun Ravi, a former Rutgers University student, was indicted on 15 counts including charges of invasion of privacy, bias intimidation and tampering with evidence by a grand jury in Middlesex County, N.J. Prosecutors allege that not only did Ravi invade Clementi's privacy, but he tried to cover it up.

Both Ravi and his alleged accomplice, former Rutgers student Molly Wei, are accused of filming Clementi during a "sexual encounter" in his dorm room with a man and then streaming it live on the Internet.

Evidence against Wei has not yet been presented to a grand jury.

Prosecutors allege that on Sept. 19 of last year, Ravi filmed Clementi with the purpose of intimidating him because of his sexual orientation.

Ravi "disclosed a photograph, film, videotape, recording or other reproduction of the image of [Clementi]...whose intimate parts were exposed," the indictment reads.

When Ravi became worried about being charged with a crime, he sent false tweets in an attempt "to mislead a public servant who was engaged in such proceeding or investigation," the indictment reads.

He also attempted to destroy tweets from his twitter feed, prosecutors allege. In addition, the indictment says that Ravi tried to convince other students to not testify against him.
PHOTO: Tyler Clementi and Dharun Ravi
Facebook; West Windsor-Plainsboro High School North/AP Photo
Former Rutgers University student Dharun Ravi, right, shown in this West Windsor-Plainsboro High... View Full Size
Rutgers Offers Gender-Neutral Housing Watch Video
Tyler Clementi's Parents Plan to Sue Rutgers Watch Video
Rutgers Remembers Tyler Clementi Watch Video

Clementi, an 18-year-old freshman, was so distraught after the streaming of the video, he jumped to his death off the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River.

His family released a statement applauding the charges.

"The grand jury indictment spells out cold and calculated acts against our son Tyler by his former college roommate. If these facts are true, as they appear to be, then it is important for our criminal justice system to establish clear accountability under law. We are eager to have the process move forward for justice in this case and to reinforce the standards of acceptable conduct in our society," said Jane and Joe Clementi in a statement.

Grand Jury Indictment in Rutgers Videotape Case

A talented violinist, Clementi grew up in the New Jersey suburb of Ridgewood, where friends who knew him reeled from his sudden death.

Messages on social networking sites left by Ravi suggest that he may have had an aversion to Clementi's sexuality from the start of their freshman year.

Ravi tweeted on Aug. 22, "Found out my roommate is gay," according to Forbes.com, and then posted a link to a gay men's website where Ravi said Clementi had placed posts.

Gawker reported it was that same website, JustUsBoys, that Clementi was believed to have turned to once he found out that Ravi had secretly filmed Clementi's sexual encounter with another man.

"So my question is what is next," the posted cti2mo, believed to be Clementi, wrote on Sept. 21. "I could just be more careful next time ... make sure to turn the cam away."

In the same post, "I'm kind pissed at him (rightfully so I think, no?)"

Since Clementi's death, a message reading "in loving memory" appears next to the handle "cit2mo."

A Twitter page that appears to have been operated by Ravi but has since been taken offline shows messages in which the accused student takes credit for the alleged videotaping of Clementi.

Ravi apparently tweeted about his roommate on Sept. 19 before live streaming Clementi's sexual encounter, writing, "Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into Molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay."

And two days later, another message went out to Ravi's 148 Twitter followers: "Anyone with iChat, I dare you to video chat me between the hours of 9:30 and 12. Yes it's happening again."

The next day, a chilling post from Clementi showed up on his Facebook page. He wrote in a message dated Sept. 22 at 8:42 p.m., "Jumping off the gw bridge sorry."

ABC News' Emily Friedman contributed to this report.

Got an iPhone or 3G iPad? Apple is recording your moves - O'Reilly Radar

2011-04-21T12:25:00.000-04:00

Big Brother, anyone?

Got an iPhone or 3G iPad? Apple is recording your moves - O'Reilly Radar

I guess I'm crazy

2011-04-17T17:27:00.002-04:00

Because I cannot understand the people who voted for these Republicans. Might as well stick your own hand in the meat grinder, for as much benefit as your going to get from right-wing tea-party conservatives. Is it just me? http://maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/04/15/6478241-gop-abandons-political-middle-democrats-happy-to-move-in

Spring

2011-04-16T02:53:00.005-04:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. Just haven't had anything to say, really. I had some good days interspersed over a week, then a lot more pain mixed with a few less pain days, and in general I've been kind of in a funk. It's spring, and life is passing me by. Of course, life is always passing me by, but it's spring. I want to participate.

Had some laptop issues, yet again, and I could not fix them. Nothing I tried worked. So I moved everything to Dropbox and did a restore to factory settings, which is pretty neat. I didn't even know you could do that, but I was looking around for solutions and came across it. Apparently, Dell has a partiton with the original settings and you just follow the directions and Damn, there it is, good as new. I love this stuff. Of course there were 73 Windows updates, but it didn't take THAT long. LOL So now I am slowly adding back my stuff: Amazon Kindle, Winamp, VLC, and putting back my pictures and things from Dropbox. Playing on the computer is about the only thing I do that doesn't hurt or wear me out.

I think the trees across the street are going to open their blooms tomorrow or the next day. My favorite part of spring.

Another

2011-04-02T20:57:00.001-04:00

this is good, you should watch it:

Japan

2011-03-30T21:52:00.003-04:00

I admit, the picture is pretty cool. It split right along the yellow line. What????

But I just watched the Nova about the quake. Seeing pictures like this one, watching the clips on YouTube, were one thing. But seeing an hour of devastation...it's just horrific, and very frightening.It is unimaginable what the Japanese people have gone, and are still going through. There are thousands of people with no food or water.

I live on an earthquake fault here in New England, and have experienced more than one mild one in two different places I've lived. If one plate shifts, will another, and then another? If Yellowstone erupts from plate movement, then what? When you really let yourself think it through, it is quite terrifying. But nothing anyone can do except be as prepared as is possible.

I put this in the folder called "Things Not To Ponder Too Much Or You'll Give Yourself Nightmares". It's pretty big folder.

On the illness front, I've had quite a lot of good days where I got a lot done, interspersed with quite a lot of pain days where I did nothing. And so it goes. I forget her name, but you know who used to say that. Don't you?

Puzzled Jean is Puzzled

2011-03-23T15:02:00.002-04:00

Just read an article in the local rag about a high school teacher who was told to resign or be fired after she posted a picture on Facebook showing her holding a glass of wine and a mug of beer; another who unflatteringly described some students and teachers; and a college professor who vented about work and was suspended. The part that puzzles me is this: If those weirdos from down south can demonstrate at funerals in the name of free speech, what can't these teachers post their thoughts and pictures on Facebook? Free speech applies to all of us, doesn't it? Anyone?

This is Good

2011-03-15T14:43:00.000-04:00

Japan

2011-03-12T12:14:00.003-05:00

Wrote a post, hit something??? erroneously and it's gone. But here's a vid. No one deserves what the Japanese people are going through while I sit here in my solid apartment building being warm, well-fed, and with fresh water on demand. If you can help Japan in any way, please do so.

Here's another:\\

What a day.

2011-03-11T17:07:00.003-05:00

There are films of the earthquake and tsumani all over, and it's truly sad and horrible. So much loss and devastation. Here's how to help:

http://technolog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/03/11/6246445-japans-earthquake-how-to-help?ocid=xnetr1-3

I thought I'd post a little humor here, because it's a little hard to cope with such a really awful event. Laughter helps me deal with things, I hope it helps you just a bit, too. Here goes:

Mother Nature Does Performance Art

2011-03-10T13:37:00.003-05:00

On the illness front, I've had a very good few days, in spite of lots of leg pain. I've rearranged some things, sorted out some things, cleared up some things, had the maintenance guy come and fix the leak in my sink, finished the third book of the trilogy my friend John loaned me, reorganized files on my laptop, and got up at 9am four days in a row. Four. Days. In. A. Row. I am so tired it isn't funny, cause I've been getting no more than three or four hours sleep each night. Getting up at nine doesn't mean I can get to sleep any earlier. Is that fair, I ask you? No. No it isn't. But it's been a great few days anyway. I'm happy.

Hello, hello

2011-03-06T14:08:00.004-05:00

I am having another good day. Yay, me. Not too much pain, energy, mental energy, it's all good. Also, it's in the 60's today. Spring is springing, the grass is rizing, soon there will be flowers. Spring. Trying to get things done a little at a time. The best part of fuzzy brain is that you don't care about things getting done. The worst part of not having fuzzy brain is when you do care, but pain keeps you from getting them done. So today is all-around good. No fuzzies, little pain. Hooray.

I am still trying to figure out the bed thing. Maybe I should just chuck it all and buy a new mattress. Yes, money is growing on those trees right across the street, folks. Of course it is. But it's okay. As my friend Tess always says, I WILL get if figured out. She has a lot of faith in me, it seems. LOL

Windows are open, hearing outside sounds. Not too much traffic, so it's just pleasant. It always takes time to adjust to having the windows open after a long winter. Usually the traffic is more, people have their car radios blasting, the fire station down the street is busy sending out trucks here and there. Noise, noise, noise. By the time winter rolls around again, I barely notice it. Except when I'm on the phone and have to wait for the sirens to get far enough away that I can hear the person I'm talking to.

I am happy today. I heard from my friend in Finland after a few weeks of silence, I feel good, I am getting things done. It's a good day. Oh, except my sink has a major leak and I cannot run water or it just comes out underneath. It started when I used the dishwasher, and only then, but before I called about that, the whole thing just went haywire. Calling tomorrow. Wish they'd give me a new frig, too, and a new carpet, or even better, a wood floor. I don't like carpeting. No. I don't. Off to do something or other. It's SPRING!!!!

EDIT to add this, cause it's just cute:

Funny

2011-02-28T22:50:00.001-05:00

I had a good day today. Balanced my checkbook, sorted through paperwork, filed, did some cleaning (minor, very minor), and found this video. It's so darn cute, even if it is a commercial.

OMG This is Hilarious!!

2011-02-26T11:46:00.001-05:00

Happy Brain is Happy

2011-02-25T16:29:00.003-05:00

Saw doctor yesterday for the followup. Blood pressure down considerably, gave more blood to check thyroid levels, discussed leg pain and what to do about it. Getting a stronger pain med. Yay. He thinks the pain in my lower leg and foot is unrelated to the knee arthritis, but instead is caused by the sciatic nerve. Can do more in depth tests, but I'm not up for that right now. Also will see orthopedic surgeon down the line for knee evaluation.

I told him that for ten years I've been telling my doctors that there is something with my thyroid, and he is the first one who did not continually dismiss me. As a result of him listening, I am now noticeably, demonstrably better. My brain works. I have mental energy and a bit of physical energy. He was a little taken aback that I specifically thanked him for listening and acting on my concerns. He high-fived me, which was kind of cute. I guess I'll keep him. LOL

Feeling crappy today, but unrelated to illness. And my brain works. I am not a lethargic blob on the couch anymore. I am happy.

Check This Out

2011-02-22T11:33:00.002-05:00

After falling back asleep yesterday and sleeping all afternoon, I am having a good day again, except for pain. Today it's my back. At least there is variety, right? LOL

You can tell spring is about to spring. Bright, bright sunny day. Cold, still, but sunshine makes up for it. Trying to organize self for homemaker. It's Tuesday.

So I'm Not Angry

2011-02-20T19:58:00.001-05:00

But this guy sure is. I really hope the idiots who voted in the Rebublicans are happy with what they've done....NOT!

Update on Illness

2011-02-20T15:40:00.002-05:00

I've been taking the thyroid med for several weeks now. I am not foggy at all, ever. Clear mind. I have mental energy, and even a bit of physical energy. I'm still in a lot of pain, but it's more the leg thing than fibro pain.

Just to make sure I'm not imagining this, I resolved to take a week off from the meds. By the sixth day, brain-fog, lethargy, feeling awful, were all back. Very interesting.

I know I have fibro. When I was diagnosed, all 18 points were extremely painful. I wonder, however, if any doctor had listened to me about the thyroid thing, if I wouldn't have been better able to cope all these years. This doctor is the first who ever paid attention, and gave me the choice to try the meds or not. He's the first who ever specifically said I have mild hypothyroidism, although I've been getting the same test results for years.

I guess it pays to find the right doctor. This one I found by default. All four of the other doctors I've had since I moved here have left their practices and moved on to other places and/or jobs. One left to stay home as she was pregnant and already had a disabled child. Anyway, this last one was the only one taking new patients AND my insurance at the same time.

Just luck that I finally found one who listened. He's not perfect, and Doctor Welby was only a figment of someone's imagination, but I am better, thanks to him. Actually, tangibly, demonstrably better. Is demonstrably an actual word? Do I care? LOL

So I have decided to stop focusing on all the things that are going wrong in my country, and just focus on being better and enjoying my life.

Part of me wants to be angry, and protest, and sign petitions, and at least try to contribute in some way to get us back on a sane track here, but I'm only one sick and aging woman, and the fight is going to have to get along without me. I doubt anyone will notice. LOL

It's like recycling. I try to be a responsible person. Recycling, disposing of things properly, trying to keep my electricity usage down. Being a good citizen. But now I'm ill, and pretty much isolated and unable to get around freely. So I have a basket of ten years worth of used batteries, cause you don't throw batteries in the trash, they need proper disposal. I don't recycle, cause there's no facility for it where I live, and no way to get to a recycling station.

For years, I felt guilty over this. I know people who don't give a fig for social responsibility. Who wouldn't recycle if someone came and did it for them, cause they just don't care enough. I'm not going to feel guilty for any of it anymore. I do what I can. That's all I can do, and I can't blame myself for the rest. When I could, I did. That's all I can ask of myself, right?

So let go of the anger, let go of the guild, let go of the self-bashing. I didn't choose illness, it was foisted upon me by the fates, or the universe, or some sort of infection I didn't know I had, or whatever. Doesn't matter. I'm ill, that's it, and I just want to have the best life I can within those confines. If someone figures this out someday and finds what to do about it, I will be overjoyed. But until then, I'm just doing the best I can, every day.

Examples of my life, anyone? Let's see. I have neatly folded laundry in the bedroom that's been sitting there for three weeks, because I didn't have the energy or enough pain-manageable time to put it away. I forgot I was putting water in the sink one day, and the sink ran over and I had a minor flood in the kitchen, followed by wet towels in the tub til my homemaker came and did laundry. My dishwasher developed a leak in a connection under the sink and everything got soaked. So I had to remove everything, toss some stuff, which is sitting waiting for my homemaker to come on Tuesday and take the trash out and the rest of the stuff is all over the kitchen floor drying out and being in my way. I have a very, very small kitchen so this is not a good thing. There are 'items' all over the table than I need to deal with. Vitamins to be taken, a few things that need to be put where they belong. I did manage to sort out the paper that was on there. Same with the bedroom dresser. Things need to go where they belong instead of just put there because I cannot manage more than that. I have food in the frig that never gets eaten because I can't manage to prepare it and rely on cereal and frozen dinners.

I guess what I'm saying is that I am not coping well in spite of being better. It's all down to the pain. Pain makes every movement difficult, every action fatiguing, and just wears you down in general. Trying to cope with pain is a full-time job.

Okay, I think I've worn my brain out. Not sure I've ever done this long a post, but my brain is working and I had things to say. Yay, me. And spring is coming, people. Woo hoo.

Amazing

2011-02-18T02:22:00.000-05:00

Seriously.

This is Good, You Should Read It

2011-02-17T20:32:00.002-05:00

The comments have some excellent points as well. I especially like and agree with 'You wouldn't go to a doctor....". and "As a man who grew up in a..."

I hope you read this and learn something from it.

http://www.afterelton.com/pigeonguts/02-16-2011

Interesting Read

2011-02-16T18:48:00.004-05:00

I saved this a while back and just got around to reading it. I thought it was interesting, and another look at the secret world of government. Not in a scary way. Much, anyway. LOL Ironically, I think, a friend and I were discussing his paintings the other day. I could dip Gertrude's paw in paint and get the same results Pollock did. y/n? Srsly, folks. Here's the article:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/modern-art-was-cia-weapon-1578808.html

This is Cool

2011-02-16T04:54:00.001-05:00

I just found it on The Daily What:

Blog Roll and Ramblings

2011-02-14T14:24:00.004-05:00

I added a few sites, in case you're interested. Mostly 'of the day's. I am having a good day for a change. Slept well, up at 9am. Yay, me. Today I am going to work in the kitchen. It is just too small and set up so that everything is inconvenient. I am going to try to fix that, but am not holding my breath it will work. It wasn't designed for small appliances, like microwave, toaster oven, mixer, etc. There's really not enough counter space for them, but they have to go somewhere.

I don't use the mixer a lot, but it's heavy, and hauling it around not fun, so it's best on the counter. I use the microwave and toaster oven a lot. Why use the oven if I can cook something in the toaster oven? Besides, it makes great toast.

Of course, the longer I sit here, the less I'm getting done.

One more thing: I learned this from the internet.

The US has three million people in jail. No society in history has imprisoned more of its population. This is apparently due to the "three strikes and you're out" policy. This says that after two crimes, your third one, regardless of its severity, gives you life in prison. Two examples: One man is serving two twenty-five year terms for stealing nine videos. Another is serving twenty-six years for stealing four chocolate chip cookies. This sounds unbelievable, and I don't swear to it's accuracy. One in 30 males between 20 and 34 years old are in prison. One in NINE black males of the same age are in prison. More young black men are in jail than in college. Prisoners are forced to work for 25 cents an hour or be put into solitary confinement. More than one in 100 Americans are in prison. That's more than ten percent. A higher percentage than any other country in the world. Think what you will about this, people. I know what I think, and it's not "Oh, boy, we must have a really good system of justice here."

Thoughts for the Day

2011-02-12T15:42:00.003-05:00

My day, that is. I woke up angry. Yes, I know it's after 3pm, but I woke up at 3pm because my sleep schedule is so messed up. I'm not sure I have enough energy anymore to spend some of it being angry. But believe me, I really am angry. I am angry at the religious right tea part morons who voted in people, some of whom have more money than god, and who don't want the taxes on all that money raised, because OMG how will they manage? But who see no problem with cutting off supplemental heating assistance, medical care, rental assistance, and every other service people like me need to survive. People who aren't richer than god, who weren't born into wealth, who didn't acquire their wealth by stepping on and cheating everyone they possibly could. I worked my entire life. Not always in paid jobs, but I worked. I didn't loll around eating bon-bons, and living off my parents money. I struggled for everything I've ever had, and I've never had very much. Actually, I've never needed or wanted very much, but that's not the point.

That wonderful president Ronald Reagan (does anyone remember the 'trickle down' theory?), who was so great we should put his face on Mount Rushmore according to some, was the one who pushed deregulation, which meant companies buying up other companies until we are reaching the point where a few companies have power over everything we buy, use, need. Monopolies are never a good idea, people. Freedom of choice does not exist under monopoly systems. He also started the whole thing with 'outpatient' care for the mentally ill, and emptied out the hospitals where they were cared for. Homeless problem, anyone? Now, they have nowhere to go, but good grief, we don't want to actually see them, so what to do?

We pay sports and tv and movie people obscene amounts of money, but we resent every dollar those who teach our children receive. We grab for more and more profit, and less and less quality. Virtually everything we buy is made in China. So what are the people who used to produce those things in our own country doing? Well...they are having their homes foreclosed, their medical care taken away, their ability to provide for their families destroyed. But somebody, you know...somebody who 'matters', and for somebody who 'matters' read 'somebody who already has enough money for several lifetimes', because they are the 'elite' and better than the rest of us, anyway, those somebodys are getting even richer on the backs of those who used to have jobs that made the products right here in the USA.

I do not understand what has gone wrong. How so many people can be so deluded by greed and avarice and discrimination and homophobia into turning against their own best interests. I do, however, understand those who are manipulating them so adroitly. Oh, yeah. I really, really do.

See, it takes a lot of energy to be this angry. I just don't have that many spoons on any given day anymore. Anyone with chronic illness should know what 'spoons' refers to, but in case you don't, here's the link:

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

Thought number two:
I have a memory foam mattress. It seems to make things worse, and I'm wondering if anyone else has one and what their take on it is.

Thought number three: I don't know what to do about the sleep thing. I really only have to be up and presentable by a specific time on one day a week. I don't know if I should keep trying to get my sleep schedule normalized (I've been trying my entire life, but it's much harder since I've been ill. I am just not a morning person and I never have been.) or just go with the flow except for that one day I can't. I've tried the whole 'get up at the same time everyday regardless', but I can't stay awake or if I can, I am virtually non-functional, i.e. making coffee with no water in the machine, or no coffee, or no carafe to catch it as it comes pouring out. Putting the kettle on to make instant oatmeal, but not actually putting any oatmeal in the bowl, and forgetting the kettle til the bottom turns black. Had to buy a whistling tea-kettle after that. And that's just breakfast. How do I cope with this? How do I manage? It's not getting better. Let's face it. I'm getting older and while I blame all my problems on illness, I'm sure just the natural progression of years comes into play. I am not coping well. Not even a little bit, and I don't know what to do. Everything thing I've tried throughout the almost fourteen years I've been ill has failed in the end. One good day in a row. Believe me, it can get you down.

I don't want sympathy, or pity. I want somebody to fix this, damnit! Fix me. I'm tired of being the needy one. The incapable one. The alone 99 per cent of the time one. I used to have a life. I want it back, please. I want to have a garden again, and be able to garden in it. I want to cook. Okay, I don't want to clean the toilet, but that's a whole 'nother issue. LOL Guess I'm done with The Rant For Today. I'm sure there will be more tomorrow.
Thank you for reading.

I Like This

2011-02-11T19:46:00.002-05:00

It's short. I just read the transcript, didn't watch the vid. He says things I agree with. It's a good thing. http://techpp.com/2011/02/11/awe-inspiring-speech-by-steve-jobs-at-stanford-in-2005/

On the illness front, I have been wallowing. Too much pain for too long. I started to feel like I'd just quit. Just given up and stopped caring. Can't sleep, can't stay awake, can't do what I need to do. let alone what I want. So let's just lay on the couch and play on the laptop. I have a lot of things to read on here.

Then last night, that little spark flared up and determination to overcome filled me up. I will take the knockout pill, I will get up at a decent hour, I will not sit on the couch with the cat and the laptop all day. I will prevail. Yes.

So I took the pill, went to bed between one and two am, and woke up at six. Wide awake. Got up. Pain, pain, pain and more pain. So I've spent the day on the couch with the cat and the laptop. I just can't win.

Red Pandas

2011-02-09T18:29:00.000-05:00

Well, Darn

2011-02-08T13:58:00.003-05:00

It's been a tough week. I think I said that already. But today, for the first time ever, I asked my homemaker to load the dishwasher and put the laundry on the drying rack. It feels like such a defeat. Like I am such a loser. One more step down the road to being a useless blob on the couch. One more 'I can't do that' moment. It makes me feel very sad.

After my husband left, I would go to the doctor whenever I thought I was sick, because I had to take care of myself. If I lost my independence, I'd be screwed. Then I got really sick and lost my independence. No more job, no more life. Just getting through the pain each day, waiting for a day I had a bit of energy, just waiting. Like living in limbo.

I was talking to a friend about organizing my kitchen. Getting rid of things I no longer use. But if I get rid of some things, it means I'll never do the job they are meant for again. I will have to acknowledge that that part of my life is gone and I will never get it back.

Okay, I've been up all night and I'm tired, and that makes everything seem worse than it is. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between 'tired' and 'depressed'. Today, I think I'm both. I feel beaten. I don't like it.

Hmmm

2011-02-08T00:25:00.003-05:00

Tried to fix the weird video-ness in the last post, but no luck. Anyone have a solution? The embed code is different from YouTube's, and when I tried to make it more like YouTube's, it wouldn't work at all.

Having a better day. Not nearly as much pain as this entire past week. Yay. So what did I do instead of what I should do? Of course. I fixed my desktop, which has not been able to connect since October. I downloaded every driver on the Dell site that applied, and installed them one at a time. After a while, I looked down at the task bar and saw the infamous yellow 'you have ten bazillion updates' icon. Well, there were only 76, and then there were several (a lot) more after that. But she's working fine now. I have been setting up my Firefox the way I like it, and signing in to things here and there. I get to be online while sitting in my swivel chair. Yay, although being online while curled up on the couch with the cat and my blankie is pretty great too. LOL It feels good to feel good. I'm telling you, people. Not pain-free, but good.

This is Neat

2011-02-06T03:30:00.004-05:00

Tough Week

2011-02-06T01:03:00.002-05:00

I've had one. Lots of pain, screwed up sleep again, getting nothing done. Even my fingers hurt yesterday. I keep hoping to get some semblance of a routine, but it just is not possible. I don't know why I torture myself over the sleep thing. I could just go with the flow and sleep when I'm sleepy and be awake when I'm not, but then I'm usually awake at night and asleep during the day and I want it to be the other way around. Why can't I make that happen? I get really frustrated with myself over it. I wish I could figure out what to do, but so far nothing I've tried has worked. I can keep a good routine going for one day in a row. That's it.

Night before last, I could not sleep, then I slept all day. Then I was up for a couple of hours and back to sleep for three or four hours. Awake four hours, back to sleep for twelve hours. So now I am wide awake and it's 1am. Which means I'll need to sleep tomorrow during the day. Sometimes I just want to scream.

This Is Good, You Should Watch It

2011-02-04T01:48:00.000-05:00

Pain

2011-02-02T19:35:00.002-05:00

Today is an all pain, all over, kind of day. Just been playing on computer, trying not to move more than absolutely necessary, cause it HURTS. Every move. My fingers even hurt. Hope a good night's sleep will make tomorrow a better day.

Republicans Want To Redefine Rape

2011-02-01T18:27:00.001-05:00

If you are a woman, or a man with a mother, sister, wife, daughter, you need to take a stand on this.

http://pol.moveon.org/smithbill/?id=25965-18045030-Ys__lMx&t=2

Solidarity

2011-01-30T20:58:00.000-05:00

with the people of Egypt.

http://pol.moveon.org/standwithegypt/?id=25944-18045030-uZftdBx&t=2

Home

2011-01-30T18:55:00.002-05:00

Went to my friends house for the weekend. Had a great time. Fireplace, ocean, wine, chat. Lovely relaxing weekend. Now I'm back. I'm depressed. I'd rather be there. Oh, well.

Discussion With Myself

2011-01-28T15:45:00.004-05:00

Since nobody ever comments. Duh! Anyway....invited to my friend's for the weekend. Great. Love my friends, love to hang out with them, steak on the grill, new house, snow. It's all good. So why does it cause anxiety? Getting up, getting presentable, remembering what to take, what about the cat, etc.

But I WANT to go. I want to have fun and get away from this box of a flat for a bit. So today, I wake up with full body pain. The issue that is open for discussion is this:

Is the pain my body's way of saying, "Oh, fun. Can't have that, now can we?" or is it my psyche's way of saying, "Oh, anxiety. Too much stress and anxiety is bad. Let's have some pain so we don't have to do the scary thing."

Read a book about the whole 'pain is your body's way of protecting you from anxiety and stress'. But is it? I don't know. What do you do when these issues come up, 'want to do something, causes stress and anxiety though, so....'

I'd really love if someone with experience with this would comment. Please?

UPDATE: Third option. Coincidence?

Fisher House Foundation

2011-01-28T15:33:00.001-05:00

For families of wounded soldiers.

Fisher House Foundation

This is Cute

2011-01-26T20:21:00.001-05:00

TThe comments are good, too.

2011-01-26T12:27:00.000-05:00

The Daily What

Inhumane Treatment of WikiLeaks Soldier Bradley Manning | Human Rights Now - Amnesty International USA Blog

2011-01-24T12:35:00.002-05:00

Two things that depress and upset me,

Inhumane Treatment of WikiLeaks Soldier Bradley Manning | Human Rights Now - Amnesty International USA Blog

http://takeaction.amnestyusa.org/siteapps/advocacy/ActionCenter.aspx?c=jhKPIXPCIoE&b=6519797

This Matters

2011-01-21T19:58:00.003-05:00

Corporations are not people and should not be given the same rights as individuals. Giving them the legal ability to buy elections is one of the worst decisions ever made by the Supreme Court. Sign the petition to repeal it.

http://pol.moveon.org/constitutionalamendment/?id=25870-18045030-2FAR1Vx&t=2

Agree or Disagree?

2011-01-21T19:45:00.001-05:00

Your Blog Should Be Yellow

You're a cheerful, upbeat blogger who tends to make everyone laugh.

You are a great storyteller, and the first to post the latest funny link.

You're also friendly and welcoming to everyone who comments on your blog.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

I had a good day today. Did some work in the bedroom, remade the bed, made the lemon curd with the Meyer lemons. Not as much pain, and still no brain fog or just feeling crappy in general. Yesterday was all pain, all the time, so I enjoyed today.

It snowed again, and there are icicles hanging off the big light across the street. Don't recall seeing that before.

It's really great to be feeling so much better. I feel like I want to do things. I want to cook. I want to organize, I want to make something crafty. Usually, I'm just trying to get through the day without messing something up. My brain is working, people. It's a good thing.

America

2011-01-19T17:15:00.001-05:00

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2011/1/18/937060/-Truth-in-Volume

It's sad, really. I don't know what to do about it. Do you?

Do YOU Watch TV?????

2011-01-19T14:02:00.002-05:00

If so, you can relate to this, another gem from the BBC:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xR3YvrNpssM

Finland

2011-01-18T14:55:00.002-05:00

My friend Moonlit World (yellow flowers, top right) is a Finn. Here is an interesting article about Finland and 'socialism' and how the right-wing tea-party-ers have gotten it sooooooo wrong.

http://techcrunch.com/2011/01/17/guest-post-finland-freezing-cold-but-so-hot-right-now/

Little Update

2011-01-18T13:09:00.004-05:00

I haven't been exercising, because I do not want to make the leg pain worse. On the other hand, even though I did not get nearly enough sleep last night and am tired, I am not foggy. Except for the leg pain, I have been feeling pretty darn good. Also, my skin is dry, because the dewpoint has been in the minuses, but I am not itchy. I'm thinkin' it's the thyroid pills. I'm supposed to see the doctor in a couple of weeks, and I'm going to ask for a regular prescription, not just this trial I'm on. It is helping. Not saying it will help anyone else, not everyone has the same issues going on, or that it will even help me long-term. I'm used to meds just stopping working after awhile.

It's a cold, sleety, freezing rainy day in the neighborhood, folks. And I AM going to make the lemon curd today. I hope. LOL

Cold

2011-01-17T13:18:00.004-05:00

Yes, it's very cold today. Beautiful and sunny and COLD. I still have snow piled against my windows from the storm we had a few days ago. It's pretty neat here. After a storm, the highway department spends a night removing snow from the downtown area, where I live. They plow the sidewalks so people can get around, too. It's a very user-friendly place to live.

I am still having a lot of leg pain. It wakes me up at night. I don't think arthritis in my knee explains pain from my hip into my foot, or how I can have an almost pain-free day last week. If it was arthritis, wouldn't it hurt every day, and why hurt when I'm sleeping and not using my legs? It's a mystery to me.

My friend Tess bought some Meyer lemons and gave me some. I have never seen Meyer lemons here in New England before this. They smell nice, and look like a regular lemon, except more orange. It seems they are a cross between a lemon and a mandarin orange. I am going to make lemon curd with them. I haven't made that in a while, and have only had regular lemons to make it with til now. Lemon curd on toast is like eating sunshine in the middle of winter. You can use it as pie filling, or between cake layers, too, although I haven't ever. I like lemon pie. Maybe I could make a Shaker lemon pie with some of them. I've made it with regular lemons before. On America's Test Kitchen the other day they made one and shredded the lemon slices instead of using them whole. I'd like to try that. Like I'm actually going to cook something. Well, I am going to make the curd. That's cooking, right?

Anyone want the recipe for lemon curd? Here it is:

Lemon Curd

½ cup Meyer lemon juice (or regular, may need more sugar)
2 teaspoons finely grated lemon zest
½ cup sugar
2 large eggs
½ cup butter (1 stick), cut into pieces.

In a medium sized metal bowl, whisk together Meyer lemon zest, juice, sugar and eggs. Add butter and set bowl over a saucepan of simmering water. The bowl should not touch the water. Stir until thickened (160°F). This should take about 6 – 8 minutes.
Makes just under 2 cups.

It Snowed

2011-01-13T14:11:00.002-05:00

It was beautiful. All over now. Bright sunny day. I am feeling good again except for the leg pain, which is quite strong today. Doctor was so not helpful. Big disappointment. After calling three times, I got two emails, one with two sentences about the thyroid test and nothing about everything else they tested me for. The second was one sentence saying I have arthritis in my knee. I KNOW that. I want to know about the pain that goes up and down the entire outside of that leg, starting at the hip and down into the foot. Nothing. What to do about it? Nothing. Time for a change of doctors.

I got an email from these people asking to post this article. They seem legit and even though it's not about fibro, it's about gluten-free eating, which is probably relevant to a lot of you. So here it is:

http://www.nursingschools.net/blog/2011/01/100-delectable-recipes-for-your-gluten-free-kid/

For those of you who are into this sort of thing, which I'm not but I know her, there is a healer who has done long-distance work on me, and it has helped at relaxing my muscles and making me feel better. I can't say it will work for everyone, or that it's any kind of cure or fix, it just made me feel better at the time. Here's the link:

http://asyouwishhealing.weebly.com/

Please remember, I am NOT recommending either of these, just putting them out there for anyone who may be interested.

Oh, Well

2011-01-11T13:18:00.003-05:00

My life according to Maxine. Woke up in pain with no energy. One day in a row of good days. One is better than none, but it's disappointing. I'm always hopeful when I have a good day, but only rarely does a second one turn up the very next day.

Still waiting for a call-back from the doctor with my test results. I've called three times. They ordered the tests. Not me. So tell me the results, please.

It's a very cold, bright, sunny day. So that means a big snowstorm is coming tonight. I love snow. I can see it falling at night in the light across the street and it is always so pretty. I like snowy winter much better than sticky summer. Even if it is harder to get around.

Well, back to reading blogs. Me and my couch. We're quite an item. LOL

Two Things

2011-01-10T11:12:00.005-05:00

I cannot remember to tag things. Duh! Here's a couple of links I came across while eating breakfast:

Some good information here:

http://www.prohealth.com/library/showarticle.cfm?libid=15838

This one. It's great to spew hate and incite people to violence, but when they follow through...well, that's another story. I cannot understand Republicans, or why they are so full of hate and venom. Here's the link:

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2011/1/10/934892/-Palin-aide-claims-crosshairs-werent-gunsights

Sure they weren't. I believe it. Thousands wouldn't. These people creep me out. Some of them have even said something similar should happen to our President. Shouldn't they be arrested for that? I mean I understand free speech and all, but aren't there issues of treason and such? America, I am so disillusioned with you. Here's something I've said before:

' "there’s a huge contrast in the media. Listen to Rachel Maddow or Keith Olbermann, and you’ll hear a lot of caustic remarks and mockery aimed at Republicans, [not] jokes about shooting government officials or beheading a journalist . . . Listen to Glenn Beck or Bill O’Reilly, and you will." Krugman

(nytimes.com)'

EDIT: Okay, so it's three things or mucho posts as I sit here. Not using my newfound energy. Anyway, I use and love Dropbox. Came across this, which is without a doubt the best answer EVER:

"Why is Dropbox more popular than other tools with similar functionality? E.g. Windows Live Sync, etc, which are free.

Well, let's take a step back and think about the sync problem and what the ideal solution for it would do:

* There would be a folder.
* You'd put your stuff in it.
* It would sync.

They built that."

You could just stop there for the perfect answer, but it goes on:

"Why didn't anyone else build that? I have no idea.

"But," you may ask, "so much more you could do! What about task management, calendaring, customized dashboards, virtual white boarding. More than just folders and files!"

No, shut up. People don't use that crap. They just want a folder. A folder that syncs.

"But," you may say, "this is valuable data...certainly users will feel more comfortable tying their data to Windows Live, Apple Mobile Me, or a name they already know.

No, shut up. Not a single person on Earth wakes up in the morning worried about deriving more value from their Windows Live login. People already trust folders. And Dropbox looks just like a folder. One that syncs.

"But," you may say, "folders are so 1995. why not leverage the full power of the web? With HTML 5 you can drag and drop files, you can build intergalactic dashboards of stats showing how much storage you are using, you can publish your files as RSS feeds and tweets, and you can add your company logo!

No, shut up. Most of the world doesn't sit in front of their browser all day. If they do, it is IE 6 at work that they are not allowed to upgrade. Browsers suck for these kinds of things. Their stuff is already in folders. They just want a folder. That syncs.

That is what it does."

It's from here: http://www.quora.com/Dropbox/Why-is-Dropbox-more-popular-than-other-tools-with-similar-functionality

Okay, this post is officially done. Srsly. I'm getting up now to vacuum the kitchen. Honest. Really. Srsly, I am.

Surprised

2011-01-10T09:17:00.005-05:00

I woke up this morning feeling almost normal. I have a bit of energy. I can't remember the last time I had a bit of energy, or when I felt this good.

Taking it slow, because I don't want to ruin it, but the delightful bonus of having days, weeks, or months of feeling really, really awful is that when you finally feel relatively good you have all the clutter and mess to clear up. All your lovely energy goes just to catch up, and sometimes you lose the energy before getting even part way done.

I have a homemaker, but she's only here two hours a week, and in that time she has to do laundry, shopping, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, errands. There's no time for extras, even though she's willing if there was.

I think that's the hardest thing about living alone. No one to take up the slack when you can't. No one to bring you a nice cup of tea when you can barely move. It's all you. There is a good side to living alone, which is you do not have to live up to anyone else's expectations. You are not responsible for anyone else's well-being. But no one is responsible for yours, either. It's a trade-off, like most things in life.

But I am HAPPY to feel good. Happy to have some energy. It's been a long time, people. A long time.

New Med

2011-01-09T13:52:00.002-05:00

I'm happy to say that I seem to be feeling much, much better. I've already noticed that my skin is not as dry and itchy as it has been for quite some time. I seem to have a bit more energy today, and less pain except for the leg pain I had the x-ray for. Hope to get results tomorrow on that.

I've only been on the med for a short time, but I am hopeful. I'll keep you posted, dear readers.

It's Still Morning

2011-01-04T11:02:00.003-05:00

Still in my jammies, in a total fog, just wanting to go back to sleep. But my homemaker will be here in about an hour, I have to go back to the doctor's to have more blood taken, and then to the hospital for the x-ray. Noooooooooo. Can't I please just go back to bed? Apparently not.

This has been the month from hell. Well, not hell maybe, but it hasn't been pleasant. Tired. So tired, all the time. Pain and more pain. I want to be functional again. I want my body to work. I want to stop whining. I feel like I've done nothing but whine the whole time. I hate whining. Where is my positive attitude? Vacationing in Florida maybe? I don't know. It's just not here when I need it.

Get up, get dressed, get moving. Just DO it, darn it!! Right. That's working out for me. NOT!

The Doctor

2011-01-04T00:51:00.002-05:00

Mine, that is. Saw him today. Getting a new med. I really hope it helps. I am so tired of feeling terrible. My thyroid numbers have been borderline for a long time, but when I wanted to pursue it, I was dismissed every time. This time, this doctor agreed that a trial of meds for it might be worth it. If it doesn't help, at least I will have eliminated one possibility.

I'm also getting my knee x-rayed. He thinks it's just arthritis, nothing major, but it has been making my whole leg hurt and walking is really problematic. I said maybe I need a cane, but he said no. Fine with me.

I like my doctor a lot. He takes time to listen to me, and to explain things and the reasons for different choices, different meds. It's a good thing.

After, I had a lovely dinner and playing on laptop sessions at my friend Tess's. She and her husband are getting over a cold, but I rarely get colds, so I'm not worrying. Besides, it was a really good dinner.

Oh, I canceled my cable and returned the box and remote today. I hate tv. I used to be addicted. Hmmm. That's all.

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T21:47:00.002-05:00

To all of my readers, and all of their readers, and just everyone. I hope this is the year. The year all your dreams come true, they find a cure for your illnesses, and mine. The government finally gets a brain and starts working for the people instead of for their own interests and those of their rich cronies. I hope the economy rebounds, and this time we really learn from our mistakes. I hope the tea-party-ers regain their sanity. I hope equal rights for everyone really means it. I hope no one gets bullied. I'd also like to have fresh pie every day, and really good coffee, and my own personal chef. Happy New Year, everyone.

Findrxonline

2010-12-30T16:44:00.002-05:00

Checked it out after reading comment on last post. Here's what I found:

http://www.check-affiliate-program.com/latest-affiliate-news/Findrxonline.com.html

This explains affiliate programs:

http://money.howstuffworks.com/affiliate-program1.htm

These are the kinds of sites I avoid. You have to be really careful on the internet.

It Was A Cold and Windy Day

2010-12-27T17:27:00.004-05:00

Now it's heading into a cold and windy night, as well. Last night a blizzard, tonight just cold but still the wind is over 20 miles an hour with higher gusts. Lovely. Of course, I don't have to be out in it.

I am still having some pain, but in general feeling better. I think I was having a bit of Christmas depression. This year I wasn't invited to my friends house for either holiday. Thanksgiving they were in turmoil with the new house, so that's fine. No one is obligated to invite me to anything, anytime, but when you always do and then don't with no call or word til Christmas Eve just to say hi and let's get together soon, I think it kind of hurt my feelings a bit. Even though, and this is why I'm just so lame to be even a bit upset, I would have had to say no since I have been having so much pain and feeling like crap all over. I spent Christmas alone with the cat, on the couch, reading fan fiction, with a frozen dinner, Indian vegetarian. Tasty. I guess it just all got me down, the whole build up and then the day. It was really no Christmas at all for me. And I didn't get one single Christmas cookie. What's that about?

Usually I take things in my stride, I don't know why this year was hard. I've missed out on the celebrations before due to the stupid illness, and it didn't bother me that much. Feeling alone and lonely, maybe. I miss my husband. Sometimes life just gets hard to cope with. It's the pain. I think that's the problem. I've been in almost constant pain for a few weeks now, and it wears down your spirits as well as your energy.

So...get over myself and all will be well. I see my doctor next week and plan to have a discussion about my meds and what else can I do that doesn't involve more pills. I've turned Workrave back on, so I will be reminded to get up and DO SOMETHING once an hour. That really does help motivate me. I can do something for fifteen minutes. Well, some part of fifteen minutes anyway, before the pain gets too much or I just run out of energy. Today I am cleaning the stove. One bit at a time.

And another thing. My computer has decided I now live in London. ?????? I wish, but hasn't happened. I'm still here in good old New England.

An Interesting Read

2010-12-27T13:40:00.003-05:00

Can't vouch for its accuracy, but I've seen some of what it talks about for myself, and experienced some of it as well. I've said before, this is not the American I was raised to believe it was. I do believe Obama is trying to do right by us, but the Religious Right has co-opted our government for themselves and their own highly specific interests. The older white people mentioned here...I'm an older white person, and I think the tea-party-ers have lost their minds. Read this and see if anything speaks to you.

http://www.alternet.org/module/printversion/149324

Ah, Modern Technology

2010-12-23T02:13:00.001-05:00

Check THIS Out

2010-12-23T00:47:00.001-05:00

THIS is why I voted for him. He doesn't spout hate, he says what I was raised to believe about my country.

Three Things

2010-12-22T16:43:00.005-05:00

Woo Hoo. He signed. The START Treaty was ratified. Food Safety. There's more. Our elected reps did the right thing. My Republican Senator crossed party lines and did the right thing, much to my surprise. I seriously underestimated him. It seems that personal conscience trumped party lines. That is such a great thing, especially since the Republican party line is so negative and so detrimental to the 99% of the country who are NOT their wealthy cronies. Sometimes I feel like they are trying to wipe the rest of us out of existence, so the fact the so many of them did the right thing for the country really makes me proud. I still won't vote for them, but.....

ITEM 2: Here's a link to another blog roll from the same folks who presented the top 50 Fibro blogs:

http://www.mastersinhealthcare.com/blog/2010/20-incredibly-educational-alternative-medicine-blogs/

Okay, little update here. Apparently a filibuster is NOT what we saw in Mr. Deeds Goes To Washington. Senators don't actually have to stay there and talk to maintain a filibuster. This is just wrong. If it's important enough to block, it should be important enough to stand there and tell us why for as long as you are blocking it. So here's a petition to change that:

http://campaigns.dailykos.com/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=17

An Interesting Article

2010-12-20T17:04:00.002-05:00

This is about the overlapping illnesses that make up fibro/cfs, etc. No wonder it's so hard to get a definitive diagnosis.

http://chronicfatigue.about.com/od/whyfmscfsarelinked/a/overlapping.htm

It's cold and snowing today. I am still having allergy issues. It's cold and snowing. WHY am I still having allergy issues? Ah, well.

Two Things

2010-12-18T23:21:00.002-05:00

DADT has been repealed. Finally. Even our own Republican Senator voted for repeal. Yay, Scott Brown. Doing the right thing. Every step towards equal rights for all seems to take ages. Women getting the vote, Civil Rights, and now this. In spite of all the hate and rancor, most of our elected officials did the right thing. Can you imagine having to live your life pretending to be someone else. Denying and/or hiding your true self? I am so pleased this has finally been dealt with.

Second thing is just funny. NSFW???

HELLO

2010-12-18T17:31:00.002-05:00

Okay, I love the map with the pretty sparklies on it. So I made it bigger. Actually, you can choose it on the main page.

Feeling better. Actually think my leg may be improving slightly. The rest of me isn't doing too badly, either. If I could just break my addiction to this laptop and get up and do something, I'd probably be even better than that. Got up at 1:30 after being up very late (5am?) due to caffeine yesterday afternoon. Been sitting here ever since. God, I am a slug. But there is so much to read and learn on the computer, and it doesn't take all my energy, and it doesn't hurt. So there.

Speaking of learning, here is Google's newest really neat thing:

http://ngrams.googlelabs.com/

Put in your words and see what happens. I love Google. I use a lot of their services, so I'm really hoping that they're NOT evil after all, but it's not looking good.

Off to find some food. I forget to eat quite often, you'd think I'd be thin. You'd be wrong.

Two Great Vids

2010-12-17T19:41:00.001-05:00

Why Matt Smith is the best Doctor ever. Even though Nine is my Doctor, Matt is perfect. He brings himself to the role, as is obvious in this vid.

This one is just....odd. I love the art, too.

It Was A Cold And Sunny Day

2010-12-15T09:02:00.004-05:00

Still is, actually. It's 19 degrees F. It's only 9 am. Up all night yet again. So the doctor gave me a new med, since I now have high blood pressure to go along with the other fun things. I googled the medicine, and apparently I'm not supposed to take it with Zoloft, my knock-out pill, or most of the pain-meds I use. So what am I supposed to do? Called doctor, waited all day, office person called and said to have my potassium levels rechecked. My levels were fine last week. What I wanted to know was what to do about the med interactions. Do people not listen when you talk? Do they use selective hearing?

I am also in a lot of pain from my 'broken' leg, which pain has of course referred itself to the entire rest of my body. Leg is only broken in the sense that I can't really walk on it, and have been hobbling around for a week. Gee, maybe I should see a doctor. Okay, yes. I'm tired, cranky, in pain, and just fed up with the whole body not working right thing. FED UP!!

I do try. Really, I do. It is what it is. All I have to do is live with it as best I can. That works. Then, like every medicine I've ever taken for this, it doesn't. I have found that just putting it down in black and white on this blog helps with my frame of mind, if not my symptoms. So whine, whine, whine. Okay. I'm done.

It Was A Dark and Stormy Night....

2010-12-13T13:07:00.002-05:00

And day. But that was yesterday. Today is just gray. Very, very gray. I have been feeling really awful since the doctor's last week, and on Wednesday I managed to damage my leg somehow and have been hobbling in pain ever since. It's times like these that I just want to crawl into bed and never come out again. I get so tired of feeling lousy. Sometimes it takes everything I have to keep a positive attitude and sense of humor. But if I didn't, if I couldn't, I would be lost. I don't know that I could come back from the black hole one more time. So I am very aware of it all the time, because I have to be able to recognize the spiral before I reach my Rubicon.

Rubicon. I loved that show. They talked about Rubicon during the show, but I didn't really understand it until I looked it up. Point of no return, is basically what it means. You've gone too far to ever get back, and the only way left is forward. When it's forward into the black hole, you NEVER want to reach that Rubicon. Never.

How many people have been lost because they did, and there was no way back for them? That point where you absolutely believe that the only way to end the pain is to end yourself. I've been there. It wasn't anyplace I ever want to be ever again. I was lucky I was saved. A lot of people aren't.

It scares me, I admit it. I never want to feel that way again. It was worse than the worst thing I could imagine. Like I was being ripped apart by pain. Not physical pain. Emotional pain. Physical pain is different. I think it can reach a point where the only way to end it is to end yourself, but there are lots of pain interventions, and someone usually is aware you are suffering. Not so much with psychic pain. It's much easier to keep it hidden. To put on the 'good' face. I'm fine, everything is fine, it's all fine. I'll tell a joke and make you laugh and you'll believe it's fine, too.

Life can be very hard. It's harder for some than for others, and it's really sad that so many people aren't saved. Don't get a rescue, an intervention of life-saving caring. Serious depression needs all-out emergency-room trauma-center type care, but I'm not sure that's really available in the same way it is for physical trauma. No one will call the ambulance when they can't see that you are dying emotionally. You have to be either very lucky and have someone be there and understand at the exact right moment, or somehow find the ability and strength within yourself to call your own ambulance, metaphorically speaking. Not really that likely when you are surrounded by the darkness. Life can be very hard. Very. I try to keep on my toes about it.

NEW AD -- Obama: tax cuts for rich "offend my conscience"

2010-12-09T21:37:00.000-05:00

Read please.

NEW AD -- Obama: tax cuts for rich "offend my conscience"

Dizzy

2010-12-07T23:08:00.002-05:00

I've been having a lot of allergy problems recently, sneezing, stuffy nose, runny nose. Then today I got....VERTIGO. Oh, that was fun. Had to get a friend to take me to the doctor's and walk me through the whole thing. Fortunately, it didn't last long, and I'm not actually sick, but it was something I'd never had before. It was quite interesting and fun, but if it had lasted for any length of time, it would have been miserable, I think.

Why is it allergy season? Isn't it freezing cold? Shouldn't all the pollen and whatever else I'm allergic to be on vacation or something? Hadn't been to the doctor in a couple of years, cause I haven't been sick. He wasn't happy about that. Hey, send me a reminder. Everything I do is a major hassle with this illness, so if I don't have to go, I'm not going. Right? Yes, right. I do like my doctor, though. He actually takes the time to talk to me, not rush me through.

Oh, it's really hard to find clip art of a dizzy woman, apparently, so just imagine me walking like I had a few too many while hanging onto the arm of my friend. It was pretty funny. LOL

Well Hello

2010-12-07T14:22:00.005-05:00

I have been added to this:

http://www.mastersinhealthcare.com/blog/2010/50-great-blogs-for-fibromyalgia-support/

I am surprised. Kind of pleased, kind of nervous. This is the second spot to recognize my blog. Here's the first:

http://www.myfibro.com

Does not mean I am going to change anything. I write what I write. It's not all about illness, because I am not all about being ill. I am about life. Living it, loving it, getting the most out of it that I can with my limitations. Taking each day as it comes, dealing with what that day brings, moving on to the next day. It's how I survive being mostly alone, being fatigues, being in pain. Deal with what's there and never anticipate tomorrow. Works for me.

So thanks to those acknowledging my blog and seeing something of value there. Sometimes I think I'm only blogging for myself, but I know people read it, they just don't comment. Or maybe Blogger won't let them. Whatever. I just hope somebody gets something out of it, whether it be a laugh, some insight, whatever. It's a good thing.

Guess that means I have to update my tags now.